babes in toyland.

last night really took me back.
. . .back to a time in history when
my bestfriend & i used to stay up all night long
on the phone for hours
talking about random nothings and somethings.

we were younger kids at the time ,
and the things we'd say to each other
were usually common things said by children.

but last night . . .
we went outside of our mature beings
to adopt our younger mindset ,
expressing things that we used to think about
way back when . . .

he shared a thought

one such thought that carried me back down memory lane
to the days of pointless & meaningless experimentation .
the days where curiosity took over , and completely left us wanting to know more.

he asked . . .
"you know what i used to think when we were younger?"
i said , "no, what?"
he replied by saying , "i thought that we were going to be each others *firsts*."
i said , "hm. i thought so too."

it dawned on me that
the horror of my "first time" ,
could have been replaced by something so innocent ,
guileless, and unknowing.
i would have rather spent it with someone i trusted ,
someone that wouldn't have been using me for pleasure ,
but for the simple cure of curiosity. . .
someone as clueless as i .
someone like . . . him.
now , don't let me deceive you into thinking that this relationship is centered around lust.
it isn't .

not at all .

i just spent a few minutes reading jack's blog & she shared her memories of her first time .
she had shared it with a close friend , and explained that she just wanted to simply "get it over with" .
i think that everyone knows that a girl's first time isn't full of pleasure , but some implausible pain .
after experiencing that with him , their relationship didn't change .

by the way . . .

the purpose of this post is not to convey the "fact" that i would want to have sex with my bestfriend.

it is to secretly and discreetly reveal the unwanted memory called "my first time"
- along with the fact that i would have rather experienced it with someone that i love , someone that loves . . . me ;
instead of someone that didn't give two shits or a damn.

someone that wouldn't take advantage of the precious gift that i had ought to lose.