school .. home .. love .. friends .. family .. ??

now that I'm hydrated I can focus .

No one really updates their blogs anymore ,
i myself, also fall into that category.
way back when I started this it seemed more exciting .
I guess I just have to find that excitement & start writing again ,
regardless of whether anyone reads this or not .

Wrapping up the school year ;
we only have something like three weeks left .
I haven't taken any finals yet . ugh .
I have to go to summer school July 6 - August 6
to take a class that I would rather take for one month
compared to one school year .
* and no i'm not a slacker , i'm just trying to get ahead =] *
I still can't figure out why everyone's trying to graduate early .
We're still gonna be considered "young" to others , regardless .
& then I can't understand why THE DUMBEST, NO POTENTIAL HAVIN' people
wanna graduate early.
I'll just remain confused.
The answer is beyond my understanding I guess .

So , that's the school aspect of my life ..
home's a little better than before I guess ?
the tension between me & this guy still makes my hair stand on it's ends ,.
I try not to care.

school .. home ..
love ?
wayy out of my nature :) lol.

school .. home .. love ..
friends ?
i recently
completely
lost one of my bestfriends ,
due to choice , life , highschool , his ego / cockiness / & new personality .
I'm not sad about it ,
not one little bit .
I don't lose any sleep over it .
It just wasn't meant to be.

school .. home .. love .. friends ..
family ?
blah .
they're fake , segregated , & cliqued up .
end of story =)

is that it ?

a little bit Closer ?

we've experienced ..

a special kind of intimacy .

and just between you & me ,
i feel closer to you already ;

but mentally ,
that isn't good for me .

as foolish as this may sound
floating through your ears ,
it's true.

i only wish you'd be willing to hear
everything I have to say ,
& why I feel the way I do .

this doesn't happen often ,
hardily at all ,.

i can't explain it .

i just hope ..

that
for you ,
i don't

fall .

Luna.

Fifty-five minutes to spare.
I need to go change my shirt.
I wanted to see your face tonight ,
I guess i'll just wait
& see you this weekend -
tomorrow hopefully.
I appear sunkissed ;
I wish sunscreen worked effectively for people of color.
I'm thinking too much.
My mind constantly wanders.
The more I stray away from writing ,
the harder it gets to compose .
I'm trying to balance everything.
& yet, I'm still stressed out.

what happened?

"..What happened baby? What happened hunny? .. to the way things used to be ,."

Yet, I wonder. Was it me?
What on earth did I do, to cause you to act the way you do?
Instead of holding back, i sometimes choose to give you tiny parts of me,. That backfires,.
I'd express feelings. You'd rather for me to keep them to myself.
I'll tell you I love you, knowing I want to say more,
like how I'm crazy about you , & how I miss who you used to be ,
but it seems like all you can say is (iloveyoutoo), with no feeling.
I think it's my fault for expecting more to come from you.
I think it's my fault for seeing what I see in you. It's all on me.
I can't get over you, or seem to allow myself to.
I've fallen in love with the person I want you to be ,
the person I once knew you to be ,
the person I wish you were .
& everyday I face stinging disappointments from the person you've turned into.
It hurts.
I'm no mind reader.
It'd be easier for you to tell me what I don't know.
I'm tired of feeling second-best, like I'm not good enough for you.
If I painted the most beautiful picture, it would just look like crap to you.
I'm tired of the confusion, & having to force things out of you.
Everything's a guessing game when it comes to you.
I can't read you anymore.
Your book's in another language.
We no longer click , I feel like we're strangers .
Like all our memories were washed away from your brain.
& yet I couldn't leave you alone if I wanted to ,
deleting your number out of my phone didn't go far.
I couldn't stop thinking about you if I tried.
I can't get you out my head.
I love you, more than you could ever imagine.
What happened to the person I used to know?