actions speak louder than words.

i hope u read this..
it seemed much easier to reach u this way ..

i'm lost, without a clue of what to do.

i feel like talking to him has become *difficult* & that's not how i want things to be.
i don't like when people take their frustrations & other things out on me -- but then again, idk if that's the case either.

i love him .. i do .. i just wish we could communicate more easily.
it's amusing how the tables have turned. months ago, he was the one asking for better and more effective communication.
i've also noticed that he takes some of my jokes seriously .. (something i used to do)

he has manyyyy many buttons, that i sometimes push .. & i'm learning how to avoid pushing them.

i wanna make him happy.. if only he'd let me ..
but it seems as if his other sources of unhappiness are making it harder for me to do that.

he was reallyyyy happy when i first met him ,
& i'm starting to believe the he's the one that changed , as opposed to me 'becoming more emotional' .

he told me before that one thing isn't going to make everything better , but i'd surely like to feel like i'm making some kind of positive impact on his life.

i'm not with him to complain, nag, act overly sensitive, or anything of the sort..
those things express themselves when i'm feeling confused or misunderstood ..

i'm also not with him to compare him to other guys ..
i often wonder why he's not as expressive ..

it's gotten easier for him to think that the things i do annoy him,
as opposed to seeing things from another [better] perspective.
he gets easily annoyed & that's another thing that makes things harder.

i don't ask for much, but i just want him to *show me* that he feels grateful to have me in his life & that he's happy being with me.

if his friends can make him happy, why can't i ?

i've learned that if you really want something in life, you have to put forth effort & work for it.
i've *shown* him that i'm putting forth effort .

i'm still in the process of adjusting to his overall personality, likes, and dislikes .

sometimes i wonder what he wants from me.. when i feel as though i'm doing something wrong.
i hate feeling like that.

i've never worked this hard or tried to work this hard for a relationship in my entire life.


he knows that i'm centered around my emotions and feelings ..
i have to FEEL a certain way , in order to REALLY be convinced.

girls like to feel appreciated ..

i hope he sees how much i really love & care about him ..
i hope i'm what he wants .. & not some other girl ...
i hope that one day, our differences will somehow connect & become 100% compatible.

i wanna feel like he's my bestfriend again..

*this is the just of how i feel right now .*

so beautiful.mp3 - m. soulchild

i cannot find the EXACT reason why I am soo in love with this song,
but in between that exact reason, are many underlying reasons.

if the woman that inspired the lyrics to this song, is real, then i'd like to meet her,
because she must be one hell of a woman.

the lyrics to this song are meant to be analyzed by none other than a woman.
more than likely, it would attract the emotional , the insecure , & those that want to & like to feel appreciated .

i've written about this song before, but something inside me caused me to express how i felt about it .. again.

" when ur not here , u don't know how much i miss u. the whole time , on my mind , is how much i'm gonna get to make u feel so good , like u know i could .."

& this leads me to think that he's not only talking about making her "feel good" sexually , but most importantly .. mentally.

he's in love with this woman , & that doesn't make him weak , gay , or anything of the sort .

it's amazing ..

& his other record "don't change.mp3" gives me the same exact feeling .

looks can fade .. & i just wish more & more people would understand that.
love , to me , is all that matters .