sched.

so far.
i only like a days.
& 2 classes on B days.
ew, minus lunch.
i hate my lunch.
i only like my lunch today because some people i particularly care for are in there. lol.
that's school's too crowded.
& my schedule's fucked up.
so far im getting out of student government, my geometry class, and gym.
i'll keep the rest.

enuf about school.
me?
im alright.
super tireddd.
as always.
i might sneak a nap in, & see if javon really calls me later.
um, yea. ledos was good.
there prolly won't be any dinner tonight.

humpty dumpty.

haha, oh yea.
what was funny was how at danielle's today,
ms. alesia made the girls go around putting their hand on the bible,
saying "i have never had sex."
or "i have never had the humpty dumty, (somethin like that) but ive thought about it."
lmfao.
i was quiet as a mouse, textin', hoping she would make me do that & put me on the spot like that.
& janae's hand flopped like a suffocating fish on that bible.
lmao.
funnnnyyyyy.

kids in red shirts..

i had to wake myself up for this one. *inhale, exhale.* whew, ohkay.
so yea, first day of school.
bus ride whass cool, homeroom was boring, 1st [period] (gotta get used to sayin period instead of block) filled with freakin freshman man! too many of them immature kidds.
2nd period, too quiet.
3rd, alright. too long.
lunch, boring. short, like i liked.
4th, fun. tired as hell tho.

& i didn't have my phone, so that sucked.
dukes said i couldn't take it to school on the first day.
so she collected it before i got on the bus.
i'll be sure i have it tomorrow tho.

uhh, it was overall, ohkay.
nothing major.
& i noticed that alot of people don't follow the whole uniform thing.
especially with shoes.
now if i were to do it, then that'd be different.
i'd prolly get caught or something.
dumb, 1st period teacher told me to take my hoops (which were smaller than usual) off and to spit out my gum.
that blew me.
i put em back on tho, after class.

too many damn kids in red shirts..
tomorrow's another day.
probably, long as well.

long day;

today has been incredibly long.
my only true companion right now is the bed im about to sleep in,
getting EVERYTHING off of my mind,
and just taking time to relieve all of this from me.

today was basically: jessica's. uncle lamont's. alisa's. PGplaza. Pentagon City. Alisa's again. Jessica's. Walmart. Shoppin'Center. Home.

i got what i needed and thats what's most important.
umm, yea. today, i kinda did somethin' i knew i would regret,
but felt that honesty is better than keeping any type of secret.

& now i feel like shit,
because the one person i love so much,
is like upset with me & disappointed or whatever.

imeen, i didn't think of what happened as somethin' to regret or anything like that.
it just , idk, happened.
i expected the reaction i got today, & i handled it better than i usually would have.

i don't think there's any time to explain this long story to him,
cuz he won't wanna hear the whole truth.
i'll just see what happens... i guess.

whoever said, "these are the best years of your life."
wasn't correct so far according to my record of my life.
& living life to the fullest is sort of cliche'.
because; life involves choices & decisions.
everything has a boundary.
choices have limits.
living life to the fullest would basically mean going beyond limits.
idon'tknow.

im trying to remain positive & stuff right now.
but its sort of hard.
whatev; i'll just focus on something else for now.

few thoughts &or frustrations. =/

ohkay, isn't this mini-attachment natural? i mean, you got something from me, that can't be given back & now were just like ...; what? idon'tknow. i mean, like are there any relations between us two, right? idk. despite everything i had already set for myself, this still runs through my mind. it's been bothering me since i last saw you. & i guess theres nothing i can do about these thoughts but forget them. Was that all you wanted? im not worryin' about it.
i don't regret anything, or feel stupid like before. just outta curiosity, im wondering about these few things.

Sorry lewis, i had to post another one.

ohkay so, today was great. all up until i got home..
so the beginning of my day was basically spent in the hair salon.
Ro got there a lil late because there was a really bad accident on the beltway,
which caused us to start at nine instead of eight.
Omg, she hooked my hair up. It's way healthier now. I love her; my new hairdresser.
Afterwards, i went to the nail salon.
Guy who did my nails was a lil anti-social, & weird, but he did a good job.
filing took forever tho.
I wish i wouldn't have gotten a design;
well, i know for next time.
& the girl who does designs, didn't accurately match the design on my nails to the example already given on the lil nail display thingy.
cost 30 bucks.
came home, took a nap.
"orientation", which i found out wasn't for new kids, just for freshman.
i had fun tho. they made us go outside because it was either the auditorium, or outside.
walked around for a lil bit first.
random guys tried to talk to me & one guy asked us if we had a lighter. lol.
haha; & alot of the girls were really nice, sayin' i was pretty n' stuff. asking if i was goin to that school or not.
Reanda, denya, & Joy showed me around.
few introductions.
yeahyeahyeah, fun.
um, mcdonalds.
then home;
phonecall. brought my head down from cloudnine back to earth.
&yea that's it.

Purple Kisses.

I like songs by The Dream, as stated previously. No idea why, they're just cute. As a result of listening to his songs over and over, I can't help but think of one person in particular. Similar features, i guess, but way different personalities. I couldn't get this person to sing for me if I tried.
It's something like 2:25 & the only reason I'm still up is because I had to complete this paper that's only one of the two assignments I have to complete for History by Monday.
I should be getting my nails done tomorrow.
I would like that, but idk which parental will be home.
This just popped in my head. Earlier CeeJay was like, "You got a man?" My response was, "lol. intentionally, nope." Then he was like, "What would you say If I was to go smack?" I was like, "Well, since you've already tried that before, I wouldn't be surprised or anything." Then this part made me start crackin' up. "Nah, I did that stalker shit. I think I went punch." lol. He's funny.
I'll remember to hug him when I see him at school.
Just sorting things out; all I have left to do is English -finish book, essay, brochure. History -Report. Math? -might do that. That's it. Not much, positively.
Listening to "Nikki'. Made me think of how I like that name. I thought when I was younger that it would make since to name me that instead of Erika because my dad goes my Nick & when he was younger they called him "Nicky or Mick". Moms said that Nikki sounds like a stripper name. lol. So they stuck with Erika. Michelle doesn't fit either. Erika works for some reason, I guess it just grew on me.
Earlier I faced a major disappointment. I saw online that those amazingly good milkshakes at Chickfila are seven hundred something calories. Whoaaaa man. Too much to consume. Most of the stuff I usually eat has more calories than I would like to be eating. I'll just once every so often, buy a milkshake or something as a treat. (Instead of everytime I see a chickfila.)
Mall later on "today" with Jessica. Uniform shoppin'.
ugh; & there my stomach goes again.

To conclude I'd like to state, "I love the way, he kisses on me."

I thought these were cute.

Teen Vogue; February'08

ever had veggie cheese?

i just made the best half sandwich ever. =)

-not really.

containing:

• honey wheat bread.
• mustard.
• VEGGiE cheese. lls. [good stuff!]
• turkey slices.

lmao. it was great.

gee;

everyone's tryna make a blogspot now.

lol.

Boreddd;

of mice & men is a one hundred + seven page book; that i "should be reading". I can read this book in an hour. i'll start reading at 3:30. which gives me forty five minutes of additional free time spent doing something other than work. i can't stand chris brown but i like this superhuman song. & i hate bowwow's cocky ass but "outta my system" applied to my "situation" a few weeks ago. McDonald's chicken biscuits used to be rather enjoyable now they're greasy -disgusting. listening to "livin a lie". rhianna is really pretty but everyone thinks she can't sing. im waiting for kelis to do something else.

hair app. thurs. yessssss!

i want one of those things t-pain uses to sing. i like the "put on" remix with jay-z. mrs. oficerrrr. ha; yesterday these guys were playin' that & when i walked past i saw three cops. lol. idk; it was cute to me. "and after we got done, i said baby what's your number he said 911." then he gave me his real one of course.

lmao.

Birds & Bees;

This is one of the few blogs that i'll actually write on paper. writing urge kicked in. listening to cry me a river. just thinking how i wouldn't intentionally want to make someone cry like that. two bars left on my phone & shoot, i forgot my charger. i'll call christiana later. wow, i think her & kelechi are like the only girls i talk to on the phone. guys seems to have more to talk about; and i learn alot in the process, just like how "this morning" lewis taught me about the birds & the bees. & how wasps are then produced. not correct. sorry lewie! lmao. i like the song "nikki" by the dream. reminds me of how that's the name my mom used for me whenever i displayed characteristics that of, & similar to my fathers. whoaaaa, scary! lol. i want to go take pictures in the park. i wish i had a photographer friend like taleia has. i was trying to avoid this statement, but school starts in a week. =T sort of excited? , not really because i don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't meet my expectations. also wondering where maalik's bitchass been at. hmmm. ebay's great. found that bookbag (backpack?) i wanted. superman! -that hoe like shiddd; nah never that. soulja boy's whack.

District8day.

=) currently: happy like shid.
today was mainly basically church *makes face*, & district8day.
church was just...church. [point blank]

then after momdukes had to change clothes, jessica wanted to come with, but had to go home first.
so she left, went home, & changed, & came back to my house.
crying on my doorstep. =/
like boo-whooing. turnin' pink & ishh.
parents dropped her off & rolled out!

... then came back.
& demanded that she go with them.
so she had to leave.
we didn't understand why they did that.
& acted like that.
contradiction. [between me & moms, we know what that's referring to.]

1:30. -setup til 4:00.
stuffing bags at the front table.
pretty simple, & the benefit was that i got to see majority of the people coming in.
talked to lewis durin' setup.
then talked to tony knotts. the councilman or something like that.

4:00-8:00 -start of the event. =)
saw ms. nanton & she introduced me to her son.
texted him, basically the whole time.
saw diamonte & his friends that kept givin' me compliments.

people basically siced my head.
cuz they kept starin'.
lol.
wow, right?
had fun tho.

today so far;

blah. Mcdonalds, our usual routine occasional mornings. Saw my "triflin" uncle. said ive grown. meaning? agewise? externally? knowing his perverted ass, he prolly meant externally. lol. justkidding, although... i did observe him checking out my chest one day long ago. Library. boring... weird white guy in the navy blue cardigan. kept pushing the card past me. he appeared rather interesting. Annapolis mall! saw jasmine & kayla. stupid Paula lady at chickfila got my shake all wrong. i definitely said strawberry, not Oreo. Bowie towne centre. went in DEB to look for red shirts & of course, i had to try them on. while in there, Jasmine Sullivan came next on my ipod shuffle. thats my song so i started singing it, & for some reason i didn't realize how loud i was. so i hit the chorus & then stopped singing & the little girl outside my fittin room finished off the chorus. =) socute. inspired by this little person, i left after checking out my things at the counter. target. found a couple of things in there; noticed how their work uniform is basically my school uniform. if i chose to wear red. so moms said i might work there. wal-to-walmart. for socks. black ones. found out where my busstop is. not so bad. pickup time: 7:12. kinda early. lol. after an "almost accident", i got dropped off home. & now im here. with no ride, & no place to go. =/

that's my day so far.
9:30 to 7:01.

Need you bad.

Charae's all week.-fun. This weekend should be very interesting. & hopefully much more fun than expected. I wanna go see mirrors "today". Might do that. It's 1:05, i should be sleep. Maalik prolly called me back by now, phone's upstairs. Lemme go grab it. Hold a sec.

*Interlude*

Alrighty, im back. Just a lil "text" from Jamal. i'll reply later. the alcohol in the fridge, isn't strong like the 'rents tried to make it seem. It was great. lls. me & the bestest are going to school together after all. *smile* I'm gonna sleep good "this morning". It's funny how a lot of unexpected things happen in my life, good & bad. I'm tired, but I got a lot on the brain that needs to be expressed. I wanna paint something that basically shows what's going on in my mind. Sarah's page made me think of that. It's sort of hard for me to enjoy these teenage years, when I think so much about the future & my present choices & decisions & how they will impact my future. I like Jasmine Sullivan's song "Need you bad", minus the introduction to the song. I favor this part:

"if i had you back in my world,

i would prove that i could be a better girl.

if you let me back in,

i would sho'nuff never, never let you go again.

i was so foolish to ever leave your side,

searching for what was right before my eyes.

it was me who didn't realize

'till it was gone but now i know i need you in my life."

& i agree.

ponder that, my love.

i gotta make sure my camera works, since it was dropped. =/ not by me. the guy in chickfila kept staring at me. Ohkay, i'll admit, my hair was a lil on the wild side, *laughs*, but it was still presentable. Beside the point, I just realized that I worry too much, just about stupid stuff. Since Jakari CLAIMS the world is coming to an end, i need to live it however i choose. well, according to _ , you know. Never did figure out who my mystery texter/caller was. Don't care anymore. Dumbass boy. Ignorance is very unattractive. This negro buggs me, claiming he knows me, & then tries to spit to my bestfriend. lol. wow.

My blogs are always extraaaaa long. lol. just like i like em. (do me a favor, & remove your mind from the nearest gutter). haha, thanks. I didn't talk to any of my dailies today. -except for Sarah & Maalik, & now bascially Lewis, i guess. btw, someone becomes consider a "daily" if i talk to them basically everyday. Jamal just used this phrase, "just staying breezy", you can tell he's not from around here. bout to hit up facebook, do my nightly routine.

& hit the bed.

i'll talk to you a lil later my dear reader.

Tah Tah for Now.

i still feel you.

after about a while,
i decided to take a lil peek at your blogspot.
the place where your heart used to & still does speak to mine.
i knew there would be something on there.
that would explain how you felt about the "US" that is somewhat non-existent at this present time.
many promises were made between you & i,
for instance, like the one thats fresh in my mind.
"im GROUNDED when it comes to you, i'm not going anywhere."
it's true as you stated, you can never make plans for too far in the future because you never know the events coming before.
& now you're not here.
but somehow, i still feel you.

is it true to follow your heart? regardless of what your mind's telling you to do?
right now, my heart's telling me to forgive you, & start brand new.
but my mind still recalls what happened, & is worried that it'll happen again.

i wanna start new,
but first i want to talk to you.

but im realizing that maybe,
you didn't want this to work because you weren't aware of what would happen in the future?
idk.

i can't explain how you feel.
i can only speak for me.

UCF. =)

love at first sight.

the tallest man alive. next to the shortest girl ever. =)

write your heart out lil mama.

that's what the lady i saw today told me.

excuse my choice of words in this here post; alright?
frustration leads to my use of "french" or aka mr. profanity.

eating ledos & drinkin sweet tea.
why do people use food as a "friend" whenever they're mad or sad?; i guess.
i don't know.
im just hungry.

aite; so today was a fuckin uhhh bitch. yeaaa, that's it. a bitch. i stayed up most of the night finishing that book & woke up at like one. texting my problems out with the guy at like seven in the mornin' & that left me feelin tension between us two, so i went back to sleep. i woke up, read a lil bit, then got a call from my cousin and her boyfriend wantin me to go with them downtown or whatever. nah, not today my niggs. went to chickfila, then the mall. saw jerica & shannon & antonio, chatted with andre' in forever 21. gay girl tried to talk to markita. lls. NOT EVEN like shit. gay guy tried to preach to me. what the hell. got my shoes for school. doctor's. went to mcdonalds, saw jeffery. went to ledos. home.

computer: facebook; MAJOR disappointment. =/

no need to say more.

after that smack in the face, i finished typin' my paper, then chatted with the bestfriend. =)
-thanks.

hopefully tomorrow's better. =T

positively sure, instead of unsure.

my stomach's hurting currently. me & turkey gravy are no longer friends. I've been thinking lately, about a lot. for instance, the thought that just floated around in my head was that the people in my life aren't really benefiting me. [some! not all.] i repeat, not all. just the people i know already. "my best friends". i need people that'll help me & be there for me. this is my life, so no I'm not asking for too much. i wish i could be as careless as someone i know. i wish i could just let people go, cut them off, like i want to. girls are really irritating. they're "uncool with each other" one minute, then the next they're taking pictures together. what the fuss man?

I'm beginning to gradually understand the male species. i probably won't ever completely understand them, but i know a bit.
i hate always having to be reassured about things. it clears confusion. &always makes me feel better. but i would just like to be positively sure, instead of unsure.
i wish i could erase the part of my memory that reminds me of everything that constantly worries me, concerning my past.