The Perfect Stranger.

You make me smile. I love talking to you, even if it's for a lil' bit. Since I can't see you, I need just that much. I'm so glad you're a part of my life right now. You're one of the best things about it. I'm willing to adapt to "the change" because i'll do anything just to keep you in my life. I want us to have a future together because this relationship is important to me. and so are you. i'll always remember the day I first met you. The perfect stranger. We've grown from there. && I hope we can grow more (closer) over time. <3

1:50 a.m.

Nothing better to do than write blogs & listen to music.
Current thoughts:

Today was alright. Can't complain. Kinda tired of being here already. & I'm not even fully moved in yet.
I miss you. & I wanna see you. Just not here, for some odd reason... =/ But I have no choice, I just wanna be with you. Iloveyou.
I wanna go to the mall. Supposed to meet my friend there. Maybe i'll go later.
I love DVR. I just wish there were better things to record now that I have the opportunity.

and, now I feel like writing about something else...

Untitled.

My head hurts.
and this time it's not because i'm tired.
today I slept til 11.
I could use more hours
I'd only be fully satisfied
If they were in a comfortable place.
Nothing about this place spells comfortable.

I wanna relax.
& take a load off.
or two.

I'm thinking too much.
& its about stuff I can't control.
Things that are just gonna happen.
Hopefully, for the greater.

Matter of fact: I am tired.
& I keep thinking about you.
Everything inside me misses you.
I need to see you.
But for now I guess I'm just stuck with these pictures
& the sound of your voice.

Wait til I see you.
i'll make it last forever.
ilyLevar. <3

i'm not going anywhere. =)

That's a beautiful thing.
The beginning of another life.
But when the time is right.

Know that, i'll be here in your life.
It doesn't take that,
to make it definite.

Pennsylvania.

Another Saturday.
Woke up around 8.
Left at about 8:50.
McDonald's.
Pick-up.
Greenbelt to catch bus. -bus driver couldn't drive.
Their McDonald's stop.
Bus ride.
*It felt as if we were in a video game because we hit a street sign right next to my window.
Outlets. -very disappointing.
*I only went in four stores.
Subway.
Dinner. -also very disappointing.
Show. -technical difficulties during act II. which resulted in a need for a refund.
Ride Back. -lightning && rain.
Home. -1:50 a.m.

Emotionally Scarred.

It's funny how girls like me depend on their feelings for a lot. It's funny how different things and past experiences can effect the way a person thinks and how they react to certain situations.

Here's a taste of the truth:

What I'm basically trying to say is that this is new for me. Most of the things that you sometimes tell me, I've heard before. And when I heard it, It turned out being a lie. Most of the things they told me to believe, I did, and it ended up counting against me in the long run.
I can't tell a good guy from a bad one because all the "good" ones now-a-days are actually well disguised.
If I question some of the things you say, be patient with me. And If I sometimes need to hear it again, It's because I have a hard time telling the truth from lies. Of most of the time It's because what's being said sounds good and a girl likes to hear that she's actually loved and appreciated from someone shes loves in return. And I'm sorry If I appear insecure or shallow.
If you're the person I'm gradually believing you are, then soon enough I'll fully believe everything that you tell me, without regrets. -...Soon enough.
I remember feeling this same type of happiness, when then it was artificial. This time I want it to be real and genuine.

I've been there.
Emotionally Scarred.

I love you. and I just don't wanna see you go.

Typical Average Day.

There's just something about tonight that makes me not want to write... anything. All of these questions are popping up in my head, and i don't want something new && beautiful to go straight down the drain, leaving others to talk about how they told me so and all this, that, and the other.
I hate falling for someone, because it's just like it sounds. You fall for them, and sometimes you have a hard time gettin' back up again. Everyone knows that...

So yeah, today was your typical average day. Not your average friday tho.

Got up extra early to walk an empty mall. They hit up McDonalds afterwards. Went to Friendly for a sec. Then to Upper Marlboro, because of a market that I thought would be alot more interesting than it was. Ledos. Then Janet's, following that. Watched Happy Feet. I sorta fell asleep on some parts. It was cute tho. Fandango'd movie tickets. $21.00 is too much. for WANTED. Sprint Store. -Waste of time. Movies. BORING! Movie was great tho. Mall -bammas. Janet's again. BET awards. Leftover Ledos. Blahhh! Made me sick. Levar called back. After that conversation, I fell asleep in my room on that messy bed. I guess when you're feeling sick you don't care right? Well I didn't. Mom picked me up, at almost 12. They still didn't pay me back $10.50. Oh well. Mom kept messing with me in the car, tryna cheer me up. Too much on my mind to be cheerful. Too much I'm confused about.

Thoughts at 12:14 a.m.

Listening to Ledisi.
I remember i sung this for Milana's answering machine.
I gotta get up at six. ughh.
Once again, you didn't call back.
Oh`well.
I hate this feeling...
I want some twizzlers. Hold on.
It's supposed to be "hot" today.
That's ohkay, i'll be in the movies.
ughhhh, im not even tired.
&& blah, i keep thinking about you.
this shit's uncontrollable.
&& it doesn't stop.
i feel like a kid,
when my whole face brightens up
&& my heart jumps
&& how i get really happy,
whenever you call.
&& then whenever you say you'll call back,
everything goes back to normal...
My dad can actually be cool, sometimes.
I need a shower.
What if my life was exactly the way I want it?
I guess that would defeat the purpose.
Question: What am I to you?
What are you to me?
What do you wanna be?
Dad let me drink last night. Ha.
His friend likes me.
Im scared. All his friends do.
Nigga talkin `bout how ima look when I'm older.
What the fuss?
"Every word of this song's gonna be about you."
i love you. i do.
"Now that we've come this far,
I need to know whats going to be your position.
Baby, listen tell me where i need to stand in your life."
........
(that thing you do.)
it's one o'clock.

and again...

i wanna hear the sound of your warm, calming voice.
ughh,



here i go again.

Stay with me.

"The room is spinnin',
&& I can't breathe,
&& o0h my head is just achin'.
Hands won't stop sweatin',
&& my knees girl they just wont stop shakin'.
My stomach is turnin' flips,
&& I feel sick, yha see?
&& this is all just at the thought of you leavin' me."
*ne-yo.

Hittin the Subway.

Wow, its all over.
this whole program.
At first, I really wanted to go home.
To see my family && friends.
being somewhere different,
with a whole bunch of different people that I had never met before,
took adjustment.
I adjusted.
Almost, towards the end of our 10 days together.
I met some pretty amazing people.
A few.
I enjoyed myself here.
Despite the food.
Although I'm ready to hit the subway
&& go back home.
When home's a whole 'nother 4 and a half hours away...
i'll see you.
'Til then.

rest stops??

its superr late.
&& i just got in.
gotta hit up the blog.
to explain my day.

Sooo...
i saw a purple frog today.
can't frogs pee on you?

BiG bowl of cereal!
it soo weird how milk lasts way after the expiration date.
well, 6 days.

"Baby I ain't into,
Satisfyin' nobody but you.
touchin' on nobody but you.
Everything I say is true."

Moms said they're puttin a computer in my room.
Dad loaded me up with [$$$] for the trip.
Shoppin in Newyork is gonna be the best.
I'ma get some pizza while im there.
the big! slice.

2 days.
no word from you.
... =/
I've been staring at the three text messages you sent me
that are locked in my phone.

.....i love you.
was at 12:20... 4 days ago.

"As gravity is to every human.
As the earth is to the trees.
I couldn't drift away from your love because
it's implanted in my memory."

Burger king gave me basically bread and ugly discolored lettuce
on my sandwich.
[Fish sandwich, for all those that know im a vegetarian.]
i took that all off. and replaced their bread with my own bun
that I'm using for veggie burgers.

that photographer was some shidd mann.

saw corey at giant. lls.
wow.

that trip is gonna be a 4.5 hour drive!
rest stops??

"badd misses throwin raspberry kisses on me."

tomorrow should be great. =)

im staying right here.

since i can't get you off of my mind,
i'll write about you...

so basically,
you said that i just don't know how important i am in your life right know && you don't ever want me to leave it and im on your mind ALL the time, not just sexually.

on that note,
the only way im gonna leave it is if you ever decide that you want me to.
and the only way you'll leave my life is if you walk out of it.

it's as simple as that because I know that I don't plan on going anywhere.

it's killing me.

i can't stop thinking about you.
i want to talk to you.
&& hear your voice.

-it's killing me.

this must be how it feels when youre strongly addicted to something,
and you can't have it.
this must be how it feels, when you're trying to live without it.

when the craving's so strong.

i want the reassurance,
that you're thinking about me too.
and that I've been on your mind.
just as you've been on mine.
that you miss me, like I miss you.
that you need me, like I need you.
and that you love me, like...
[yeah. =/]

wow...
it even shocked you.

i miss you. i miss you. i miss you.
over && over
that same tune has been playing in my head.
like a broken record that needs fixing.

i keep thinking about how you said that I don't know how important
I am in your life right now.
and that you don't ever want me to leave it.

i like how you prioritized me,
at the top of your list.

[exhale.]
almost three days down.
five left.

1:14 p.m.

one:fourteen post.meridiem.

currently:
irritated.
and sad.

"im thinkin` of a master plan. nah, shawty on my mind."
-weezy f.

i can't talk to the one person i want to out of EVERYONE
because, internationally it costs $.50 or something like that.
i miss you. [alot.] =/
and hearing the sound of your voice before i go to sleep.

til Tuesday.

irritated because someone in my family is lyin.
spreading things, tryna get stuff started.

Happy now.
because me && my bestfriend will be goin to school together next year.
but i feel kindaa sorry for him because he keeps gettin in trouble.

My sunshine.

it seems like
ever since you came into my life
ive been happier.
&& ive considered looking at the brighter side of things.

everything's been goin good.

missin' piece.

There's more to that chapter.

Words that aren't coming out.

It feels like, my guard's up. Everytime it comes down something goes wrong. So many times, people have came and gone. So i'm thinking that If it goes down again you'll walk out of my life too. So i'll allow you to get to know part of me and the other part you'll just have to figure out yourself.

Dear to Me. -You know who you are.

Distracted by the sound of The souls of Mischief.
But i need music,
to express
that of which I feel.

I've never been so speechless before.
about anyone.
about anything.
to the point where my thoughts can't collect.
and come together.
to form something as simple as an ode,
to you.

So i need a minute.
To reminisce on every time I've ever
smiled or
laughed
because of you.
to explain this happiness i feel
because everything bad
no longer exists.

This natural high.
That's becoming addictive.

With you, I share simple things
that the people closest to me
don't know
and haven't the slightest knowledge of.

With me, You can find being yourself
absolutely easy.
Because It's you that I feel connected to.
-not any type of front that
at times you may portray.

So close, so quickly.
My trust slipped out of my hands into yours.
Someone that understands
and can relate.

You ask what I call this?
Honestly, I don't even know.
It's a little bit of this.
And some what
too soon for that.

My mind wanders.
Lost in the thought of what's
so right.
and in the aspect of one, so wrong?
The wrong that's causing me
to hold back from everything I feel.

This thing for you is still growing.
perfecting.
My mind's racing.
Like I can't even describe.

You take me to a place
where everything's good.
so right and real.

I'll help you,
If you help me.
I'm wishing
and hoping.
that you'll be there for me.
regardless.

If at times,
I confuse you.
Please:
Be patient with me.

Give me time.
I want everything to go the way it's meant.

You're special to me.
Know that thus far.

"You're dear to me.
You know who you are."

fine outside. -goodnight.

it's 2:38.
and im extraaa tired.
my plans of washing my hair tonight are out the window.
mann.
it's humid in here.
idkwhy. it's fine outside.

trip to the mall today was way beneath exciting.
now i remember why i really don't like going there that much.
i by passed chickfilA today for once.

i hope tomorrow's fun.
not going to school.
there's absolutely no point.

Fun like Kids.

Yesterday was fun.
We had a cookout
for Chris
at my house.
It took a lot of work
preparations, cleanin`, and cookin`.
but it was worth it.
well? yeah...
food was good.
desserts were better/
can't believe they spelled "John" wrong on the cake.
Jhon. What the hell is that?
I miss our old cookouts.
and seeing everyone putting aside their issues and problems
for a good time, made everything nice.
Even before the cookout there was drama.
but you couldn't tell.
it felt good, seeing the adults have fun like kids.
im mad i didn't make myself a plate tho.