secluded isolation ,

I've never felt this way around family..
so secluded, or solitary.
but at the same time,
these feelings of separateness
& isolation aren't so unfamiliar to me
when it comes to them.

out of all days,
today doesn't compare to the others.
& i have no idea why.

being at my aunt's house with only [two]
of my many cousins
has never bothered me as much as
it's bothering me today.

I've never had a problem with
feeling different.
i don't see why it's uneasy for me
to find "a place where i belong"
within my own family.
within' this group,
i feel like I'm in the wrong one.

I guess I thank God for all the others.
..& the contributions their personalities make
towards our family.

One of my cousins is a whole lot weirder than I am.
-& not in a good way either.-
everyone wonders why she is the way she is,
& in a way [I] feel like she helps
proportion & balance
the ratio of lesser weirdos in our family
to the greater ones.

today I've been quiet.
& they constantly ask "what's wrong?"
my smiles have deserted me
& I'm assuming that's
the reason behind why i look so serious.