false testimonies ,

The words that flow out of your mouth,
you're the first to hear ,
& then it gets back to me.

People seen to have so much to say,
extraneous lies & things that i could careless about.

i'd rather starve ,
then eat all the lies they feed.

in summary ,

I'm done with relationships for now ,
for a while even .
with me , guys are so temporary .
and I'm tired of meeting pointless, purposeless jerks .
They're not worth my emotions .
I don't trust any "good ones" enough to see and realize that they're more decent then the rest ,
because I think they're all the same .

No Terrence , I'm not anti-male .
lol. I'm just tired of always gettin' hurt .

Second period .

School today ,
another fight .
not surprising .
I really don't feel like being here .
I'm hungry too .
But I think I have to stay in Barbella's room & tutor during lunch .
Then I gotta stay after school til 3:30 to tutor some more .
& I really don't feel like eating vending machine food .
Hopefully , Mr. Holmes doesn't kill us today .
I don't really feel like cussin' him out ,
in the event of him making me do some pointless excercise
that I don't feel like doing .
New article on yahoo , as of 1114 ,
Outkast is going to release 3 records in 2009. =)
They're back !
HaHa , Romney said Kanye's cd is crack !
I think that means it's addictive , or really good .
Not that crack is really good ,
I wouldn't know .
What I wanna know is :
What's up with Kanye West all of a sudden using the "autotune" voice changer
in the majority of his songs ?
Does he always need a gimmick ?
He went from using "samples" to using the "autotune" .
& the autotune was T-pain's thing ..

you won't let me will you ?

at least let me try

& attempt
to completely get over you .

so that means ,
don't send me a "friend request" on myspace ,
& shit like that .

i'll accept you ,
but I really don't want to have to view your page
at all .

optimism .

nothing else to do but pour my current feelings out .
i'm trying optimism ,
because it is said that positivity makes life worthwhile ,
I would also hate "feeling down" all of the time .
I need something right now that could really make me happy .
ahh , positive positive positive .

i really hope tomorrow is nothing like today ,
ya know , all rainy and what not .
I hope saturday's just the same .

maybe I should smile more .
to bring a sense of happiness to my soul .
or something ,
to make my "being optimistic" a lil more easier .

you've probably heard it all before ,

I hate how my mind likes to jump to conclusions ,
make inferences ,
and guesses about different things ,

and with males ,
it causes my little trust issue
to spring back into memory .

Always assuming that every guy will result in dissappointment ,
and that all the ones that claim to be "unlike the rest" ,
really are in fact , just the same .

but with this new one ,
all he can do is prove to me
that he's not like every other guy ,

*and that's coming from him ,
not me , this time .*

so far I'm not having any doubts towards him,
but of course , that's how it always starts .
you never expect the unexpected .
especially in relationships , and such things like
the period of time when you're "talking to someone" .

my bestfriend says I need patience ,
and that I do .
I always question how long a guy takes before he
"pops the question" ,
but that's all in his time .
& i'm not one to see any benefit in rushing into things .

cooking for dummies .

didn't feel like going to school on this ugly, rainy Thursday ,
glad I wasn't being forced to go .

after hours of sleep , I got up
attempting to cook myself something to eat .
and failed . =/
I had cooked up a good meal in my mind ,
it's just that my capabilities don't quite agree with my fantasies .
so now i'm back to cereal ,
my last resort .
i need to do an online, how to: (cook)
or "cooking for dummies" .
because when it comes to cooking , I am in fact
a dummy .

nevertheless ,
on a more optimistic note ,
I'm going to find some "microwaveables" to eat a lil later .
either that , or something to pop in the oven.

I can't wait til the holidays ,
so I can fill up off of someone else's cooking . lls.

and now , I'm going to turn to another blog to get off this cooking subject .

what's so good about cake

that everyone wants theres ,
and wants to eat it too ?

it's 11:50 ,
and sleeping seems like the furthest possible thing to do right now .
I hate being tired in the morning after a lack of sleep ,
but nothing seems to be working ..
Can tomorrow come any faster ?!!
Anticipating it ,
& that's unlikely ,
being that tomorrow's sunday .
The day I can usually wait for .
The one that's never rushed ,
feelin' lonlier than ever ,
omg , i just heard gunshots .

Feelin' good .

i have to mention ,
that once again ,
last night's conversation was nicee. =)
talking to somebody* [lls] for a couple of hours .
I also found $50 in an old birthday card from my dad .
That also made my night .
Can't complain about some extra cash .
I also got my letter back from Creative Communication .
My essay's being published ,
but they didn't select a winner yet .
I still have to do my cotillion essay ,
along with this poster for my mother .
This weekend should be quite interesting .
I say that in a good way .
For once, I'm actually feelin' good.

stuck on you ,

I'm at a lost for words ,
all I can seem to think about is what's currently bothering me .
& in order to feel better , & let it all out ,
i need to spill everything out of me ,
onto here .
..but once again , my words won't collect .
i'm going to try to type of something that makes sense ,

here it goes :

I'm just waiting for the fireworks & explosion of my father's uncontrolable anger ; all because I'm in a crappy mood , I don't feel all that great , & because I'm not all that enthusiatic towards his musical talents .
I guess a part of me still isn't over the friend that came and left .
The one that's gone for what you'd call, "good" ,
which isn't good , ..but must be .
I know that seasons change ,
but I'd rather dwell in only one .
I never wanted us to grow apart ,
and even if it wasn't intentional ,
or maybe ? ,
everything happens for a reason .
& i'll end these thoughts of you on that sour note . =/

I'm trying my best to eliminate those pointless people
that are currently involved in some aspect of my life ,
you know ? , those that have no purpose of being there .
& I'm trying my best to pay more attention to those that do mean something .
the significant ones .
That's what i'll do ,
i'll focus not on who walked out of my life ,
but who's still here currently .

Alright , what else is bothering me ?

November 4, 2008 .

Barack Obama has been declared president of the United States . =D

current irritation ,

why is EVERYONE making a damn blogspot!?

my "about me" ,

I hardily ever know what to write in this part of my profile , so I figured I'd write the things that come to mind . My years contradict with my mentality , so that can't be stated in this here "about me" . I'm single , by choice & by common actuality . Instead of being under the influence of false happiness , I'm learning more and more within all of my pointless relationships . & Until I get the sense to choose a decent guy for myself , I think I'm remaining single . Even though I don't trust myself enough to pick and choose between different guys, there is one particular person that has caught my interest . The more and more we converse , the more I consider him being a favored male companion . I have a few remaining bestfriends , & out of all the "bestfriends" i've had in my lifetime , these are the ones that have stuck by me through everything . The friends that were meant to be here for more than just a season . & for that , I love them dearly . They know who they are . I am also coming closer to figuring out what I'm going to do with my life . Writing is something I do quite often , and is something i've fallen for . I think it's going to take me somewhere soon enough . My parents only had one kid , but I do have other "adopted" siblings & family members , so I'm good. :)

November Fourth .

I can surely say , being a current positive thinker , that people with negative comments & opinions bother me ..

Tonight is going to play the role as a significant part of history .
Along with other Barack Obama supporters ,
I really hope he wins this election .
He surely deserves it .

& it's not that I'm one sided to this election ,
it's just that Mccain doesn't say anything persuasive or anything worth listening to .
I really haven't heard a good, senseful reason of why he should be president ..
Is there one ?

4:40 a.m.

It's 4:40 a.m. & I just remembered that everyone's clocks have to be set back an hour ,
which explained why the clock in my room said 5 something & my cell phone said 4 .
I have no clue of as to why I'm up so early .
I fell asleep at nine something from a headache .
I have to get up in about 3 hours or so ,
for church & I really don't feel like going .
I'm kind of hungry ,
but it's rather pointless to eat around this time .
I really hope we do something fun today .
I need to go shoppin' ,
once again ,
but this time for next weekend (the one coming up) ,
but then again ,
i don't even know if i'll be going ,
the drive is 2 hours or so ,
& I don't know what mom 'll say to that .
A part of me would want to further persuade her into letting me go
inspite of the drive ,
but another part of me could care less .
What does it change ?
-me going down there .
We'll still remain the same ; this way .

The "mind manipulator" says I think too much ,
was that just truth ?
or further manipulation ?

I just don't feel like riding the emotional rollercoaster all over again ..
& getting confused about different feelings .
Ones that took a vacation , some that are still there , and some that 'll soon be gone for good .
He should 've never said "I love you" ,
because at that very moment ,
those three words ,
messed my mind up .

Mahogany card .

I woke up this morning thinking, "Alright, what's in store for today?"
I wasn't allowing myself to stir up any negative thoughts because there's too much to remain positive about.
Today is my mother's birthday. I'm glad that she was able to see another birthday.
At 12:00 a.m. , I ran downstairs to give her the biggest hug ever & the Mahogany card I had bought for her .
She prefers home-made cards , but this card was really special & everything it said agreed with our relationship .
It made her tear up , and that made me feel really good .
Today is also the first of November ,
meaning Turkey day should be coming up soon . =)
along with the reuniting of myself & college buddies .
We're probably going out today , hopefully .
I want today to be fun .
So far this morning ,
I have to do my two projects for school ,
clean the TV room ,
put these songs on my mom's ipod for her ,
clean my room ,
find something to wear ,
and i think that's it .
for the most part .