Different Day. Surreal Maybe?

Today has been...
different.
that's mostly all i can say.
i don't know where to start.
i hate being sensitive.
oh`well, i shouldn't care about that situation.
why would I? why am I?
whateverrrrr.
ChickFilA is amazingly good i must add.
explaining the reason why im still full.
im waiting for my parents to exit my "temporary" room.
because im tired as idkwhaa.
myspace irrittattess me.
hopefully tomorrow's not real boring.
and hopefully i get to see that movie.
they moved the cookout to sunday.
will it be any different?
ughh; failed that math quiz. =/
worst part of my day.
something unexpected happened after school. =) lol.
my face is breaking out! like crazy.
im soo tired.
g'night.

Family?

my family really isn't a family.
but i have one,
at least?

well,
i just know that i can't talk to them,
count on them,
depend on them,
or TRUST them

at all.

i have a number of cousins that i know very well,
but either never or hardily ever talk to.

i guess it's normal for families like mine to backstab
each other,
and lie on one another.

they stay in fights,
and there's always disagreements or drama.

which gets really annoying.

i just wish we could be closer.
like a REAL family should be.

craving "regularness".

Charae just wrote all over her paper
on how people are always tryna be something
they`re not.
and i agree.
but i think its getting harder now-a-days,
for people to be themselves.
when society's telling everyone how they should be,
what they need to look like,
and how who they are just isn't acceptable.
people fall into the trap of
wanting to be like everyone else.
all the time.
people (like me) who were created to
be unique
often want to neglect our uniqueness
for the "regularness" everyone else has...
and like ive said before,
things would be sooo much easier if people would just be themselves.
i guess i`ll start that trend.
maybe others will catch on?
im getting tired of people changing themselves because of others.
for the wrong reasons.
that was a bit hypocritical
because ive been guilty of that in the past.
im still working on the future.

you`ll see.

i`ll take you there.

I've heard of other places.
different form one's of which i know.
i wanna go there.
to a place filled with many possibilities.
every place needs happiness.
but with this one there's joy.
unspeakable.
a place where people don't just come and go.
a place where every promise is kept,
a place where soul mates are more than just cliche'.
somewhere that makes everyone feel like they're worth something.
i wanna go there.

call me if you find it,
text me when you get there.

I'm talkin about a place that grants everyone their own identity.
a place where a wish doesn't cost a coin.
a place where families are actually families.
a place where everything lives up to its definition.

a place opposite the world
in which i live.
i wanna go there.

and if at any time
you feel that you want to go too,
follow me.
i`ll take you there.

True Friend.

Dear Lord,

i love you. i must start off saying. even though i have a weird way of showing it. you're present here. i feel you moving through my life. i see it. please watch over me & loved ones each and every day. watch over everyone who suffers from depression and stress. shape me into a better person. clean out my heart. help me. save me from the stupid tears i cry. place people in my life that i can help, and that can help me. give me wisdom. give me clear thoughts. what is it that im supposed to be doing? you're always there. for me. gee, i take everything for granted. keep me from worries. teach me.

thank you.
-faithfully yours.
Erika.

May 27, 2008.

*Tyler`s birthday.

Today's tyler`s birthday.
i almost forgot to tell her happy birthday.
Chanelle calls it a life anniversary.
which makes sense...
you know how on Lupe Fiasco`s album he says,
"lupefiasco.blogspot.com"?
i checked it... no posts, blogs, nothing.
does he even have a blogspot?
my ipod`s in my pocket, and it`s callin me.
yearbooks this year suckk mann.
slangology, and two pages of people`s tatoos?
what the h-e-doublehockeysticks?
im done with this school, but i don't want to be done with this school.
im getting like dad. becoming a ledos feen.
i can't believe i forgot all about that science project.
now i get late credit.

veggie dogs are good.

What happened to us?

Where'd it all go?
All the jokes, the constant closeness, the insiders, the love?
the friendship we had.
and still kind of have,
it's just not as strong as it was time ago.

I miss you.
and although i see you 5 days a week,
I feel like the part of you that I used to know, cling to, lean on, talk to
is gone.

I tell you I miss you & I love you,
and I mean it.
I just want you to know that youre my bestfriend,
I would never hurt you, lie to you, anything.
Trust me.
Our friendship means the world to me.

Bombs over Baghdad.

nothing! whatsoever will make her change her mind!
she would rather have me in that type of environment,
than to live with my bestfriend or something?
eveyone else is trying to convince me to convince her
that i shouldn't go there.
and now that it's the end of the year,
and now that there's a new person added to my life,
she wants to send me there.
to Baghdad.
and why?!?! it's not for the better, because it's not better.
the only + is that i`ll be free and living with the people who gave me life.
for the next three years.
and that's the excuse she pulled on me.
"you only have 3 years left with us."
ummm, ohkay?

then, Baghdad's not a very "pleasant" place to be.
it's not safe, nor happy, or exciting.

and besides,
im an American.
different from (people of Baghdad.)

money hungry.

Money drainnneeeedddd.
so upset.
expenses include:
$50- nails and feet. [$25 each.] which werent worth that much.
$60-outfit for kingsdominion.
$9-earrings for old piercings.
*got a new piercing by the way. =) hurt tho. i laughed through it.
$25 giftcard for $26 shoes.
$8.99 pizza.
$4.24 starbucks.
which comes to the total of $132.23
all in one effing day! ughhh!

can't wait to work next sunday.
can't wait to get an *actual* job.
one that pays with a check.
right now i just get cash, which is still fine. lol.
so i can fuel up on money again.

right now im still not completely broke.
but i don't have as much as I did before.

gotta finish independent reading.
although my procrastinatin self wishes someone would call to start a conversation.

im about to go searching for money.
pants pockets, under the bed, drawers, etc.

currently: ipodin. [neyo of course.]

left my charger at dads, so im usin janets.
i just ate a whole small pizza, from papajohns.
and i feel like a fat person.
lol. guy tried to hollaaaaaa. -issac. cool as shhiddd tho.
im not eating anything else for the rest of the day.

can't wait til fridayyy.

i got a sexy phone case. ha!
Vaughn's mean. lol. that *itch!

its funny how like 3 of my bestfriends went out of town this weekend.
two came back today.

its raining like cats & dogs out there.
let it pour this weekend,
cuz next weekend i want pure sunshine!
and no humidity.

i wanna go to H&M.

8:01, i should get off here.

eff that. im about to go run.
bye.
iloveyou.

Come closer. Baby, let's just be.

Today was better. =)
Woke up at 11.
Top Model Marathon. <33 the best.
and True Life Marathon. -didn't get to watch it tho.
Texted all morning.
Did my mother's day stuff.
Danced to these bangin songs on my ipod.
Two new addictive ones.
Ne-yo is the greatest, I don't care what anyone says.
Pure Happiness.
Mom's thing lasted til 245. when it was only supposed to be from 10 to 12.
so, I had to pick between going over Charae's or getting my nails && feet done.
Since I had already called Charae and my nails and feet were going to take more than an hour
I just went over Charae's.
Til about 1045.
330 to 1045! lol. =)
Auntie didn't wanna go out to Red Lobster for mother's day.
so we just stayed home.
Textinggggg!
Mom picked me up.
Went to McDonald's unfortunately since much wasn't open.
and ChickFilA was already closed.
McDonald's got my order wrong,
so I had to go back.
Home now... Still Texting that Stranger. <3

like $60.00

Today wasn't amazingly great,
it was just alright.
downloading songs on the ipod.
i wrote another blog at school
but i left it at janet's house.
in my bookbag thats tearing at the bottom.
if it wasn't fourth quarter, i would get another one.
but there's no point.
nerddishh?
uhm; kinda hungry.
getting my eyebrows, nails, and feet done tomorrow.
watch it be like $60.00 lol.
got my stuff for my NewYork trip in the mail today and my cell phone case.
shirts kinda too big.
mom said once my chest get in the shirt it wont be so big anymore.
insult?
new friend. -tiere.
school sucked today.
theres about nothing here to eat,
except that disgusting Chinese food from down the street.
ew.
what's tomorrow gonna bring?
kinda upset that I can't go shoppin.
hope we can meet up.
verizon to verizon.
welp; that's all for today.
im tired.

What's a bestfriend?

Everyones mouth and teeth are blue.
from that frozen liquid sugar water with blue dye and flavoring they call a slushie.
whew!; Ms. Barnes saw me and i didn't get in trouble/caught from yesterday.
some people lie alot.
i can't wait to wear uniforms...
i think more and more people are starting to like em.

What's a bestfriend?
They don't talk about you do they?
or do they just sit there and laugh when other people talk about you?

whatever; i can't wait till exactly 2:50 on June 10Th.
i`ll probably never have to see these people again.
and if i do, i`ll just pretend like i don't know them.
im soo hungry.
all i had for lunch is what paige calls "fake applesauce"
she sat with us since her normal crew of dyrrick and ciara were absent.

"i just noticed, what the hell are you wearin today?"

uhm, a hoodie, some sweatpants, and some shoes?...

i don't think i got dressed for you this morning,
i just threw this on.
cuz it's ugly and raining outside.
and so i won't come to school naked.
just in case you were wondering.

Lies.

My dreams lie.
the ones I see at night.
My goals and aspirations are different.
they can still come true.
The things that excite me while I'm sleeping,
are different from reality.
Theres this feeling I get when everythings going exactly the way I want it.
When I'm happy.
I just wish real life was that way.
I have a plan,
and I'm going to get at that.
To get myself, and my life back together.
To the point where everything else can be taken care of.

Beanza to my heart.

I'm finding myself cryin.
Over a movie, that just affected everything I'd been thinking about.
LIFE SUPPORT.
I liked that movie.
And this whole week has been about STDs, staying healthy, and all these diseases there are out here.
It's sad.
I really don't think it's worth it.
Medication after Medication.
Shots and pain.
Strange looks. (along with the ones I already get.)
Judgement. (same thing.)
There are so many curable diseases,
but hand in hand with that there are some incurable ones.
I get uncomfortable most of the time talking about it.
much less having to deal with it.
I'm sure that if I were to talk to someone dealing with this,
they would tell me the same thing I'm telling myself.
This topic is really serious.
to me that is.
and talking to a guy that's hesitant about getting tested for anything,
but so sure about intercourse...
kinda hurts a Lil bit.
I'm just trying to be safe,
if anything.

Comtec Industries.

just took this really hard math test.
and you can tell it was difficult because I have bite marks on the top of this pen.
my nerves are running wild,
and im shaking.
my eyes hurt and my stomach's turning.
there are so many myths about this vegetarian thing.
and so many people think it's stupid.
I think they just want me to rethink this whole thing.
or change my mind.
but i can't.
then they're getting ready to start cloning,
and they aren't going to put labels on the meat packages.
i think all that stuff will in the end make you sick?
but according to some people,
that's most things now a days.

it's funny how B-lunch (on B-days) has divorced me.
i used to look forward to it and the people. now it's neither.
Comtec Industries, thats who made this door.
Colonel said, "some schools don't have computers. Kinda like the school you're going to next year."
i was like, "that was kinda harsh."
he's just mad cuz I'm leaving.

i write entirely too much,
and I get surprised when people actually read it all.

The anonymous.

just felt like writing about a few anonymous friends.

1. I never would have thought that we would get to the point of being as close as we are. You're basically family, because I'm apart of yours. You're so comfortable with me, and I love being your bestfriend.

2. You know how much I love you, nevermind, I don't think you do. We're not exactly identical, but we're still twins. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you and I'll never leave your side. I love going to NorthCarolina with you and seeing the fam. =] loveyou.

3. We've been real close, then barely close at all. Now that we're really close again and that we tell each other mostly everything, I don't ever want to go back to the point of us barely speaking. We write notes like crazyyy. And we're talking more. && I love it.

4. We never spoke to each other last school year. Now we talk all the time. Thats why your dumbass got a F in health. lls! sike nah, i love you. and i never realized that we had so much in common. But we do. We're HV's. For the moment. p.s: i was not gonna die! lol!

5. Since 3rd, I've known you. Didn't speak much until about 8th? But yeah, youre my number 1 nigga! my first real male bestfriend. You're like the brother I never had. We fight and I smack you like shit and in the end we laugh it off. Over the years you've opened up to me, and thats cool!

6. I feel like we're letting the streets get the best of us. We hardily talk anymore. =/ We were the freakin best of friends before you moved. And now, I know that I'll never be replaced. But I just want to know that I still mean something to you. ily2.

7. Bestfriend? or Baby? Choose. =]

8. Ugh, where to start. We used to be soooooo close. And now you get irritated by me. I have no clue whats goin on with our friendship but hopefully in the end it'll get better. I'll admit you've changed and grown and so have I. I just hope things can go back to normal. Like before, in the good `ol days.

9. Myspace Picture Comments got us talking. And we related so much, and we automatically clicked. iloveyoutoo.

milk, but no cereal.

just saw Shina in the hallway,
she has ISR, which sucks because i have stuff to tell her.
I'm glad all we're doing in English today is taking notes,
because I don't have to pay attention.
I'm really hungry.
and I hate how when they go grocery shopping they always buy one thing without the other.
milk, but no cereal.
biscuits, but no jelly.
pancake mix, no eggs.
and that's why i didn't have breakfast this morning.
which they would say was "on me."
here at school we just had a power outage.
which means that we have to use emergency lights until the power comes back on.
but the funny thing was that as soon as I got to 3rd block,
the power came back on.
which was kind of a good thing.
because now they can cook, i mean
reheat our food.
I'm glad mom's dropping me and charae off on Saturday at the mall of our choice.
so I can buy mother's day things
and my outfit for kings dominion.
i would have taken Danielle with me,
but she's not the same anymore.
my friends change.
and so do I.

Misconceptions.

Talking to Kayla about Misconceptions,
and I just realized that there are some people that have misconceptions about me.
I don't wanna like, put them out there.
but they're just not true.
They don't call me a hoe or anything, or say I do nasty things...
just other stuff.
other stupid stuff.

joke from dinner last night.

uncle mike told us a joke,
and I was feelin a lil "blonde" yesterday,
so this is how it went:

( i actually forgot which animals he really said, except for the monkey.)

uncle mike: Hey E! Ohkay, a monkey, a bird, and a tiger race up the coconut tree,
which will get to the bananas first?
charae: the monkey.
me: the monkey! i mean, i could see if you said a cheetah or something.
uncle mike: laughs.
me: (confused.) ohh! there aren't bananas in a coconut tree! lmao.

"send me back."

no matter how many times they claim to "kick me out" of this house, i wait each and everyday for them to finally do it. i'll just walk about 6 houses down, and then they'll cop a `tude. and look so stupid and feel like complete shit because im finally happy.

rethinking.

im rethinking this. please just be here because you care. please dont be another mistake. if i consider you, please just dont use me like all the others. if i really start liking you, i dont want to regret it. and feel stupid. all over again. if i give that to you, dont just runaway with it. stay. please.

Lava.

just finished babysitinn.
the baby this time.
cryyyyyy.
most of the time.

right now, im facing the same thing thats been bothering me since a few months ago.
so im a lil down. =/

im listening to my favorite song,
hopefully that'll make me feel better.

i really thought. . . once again.
ughhhhh./

"maybe im a fool?
am i stupid.
maybe im a feen,
addicted to it?"

i hate how things that bother me, cause me to have an attitude with everybody.

im tired.

by 3000.

everytime i hear that same song.
i think of you.
i miss you.
i think.

New feeling.

Cleaning this house got me beat. its so cluttered. and so many unnecessary things are the cause of that.

My cousins want to go to the whack mall, but i dont want to.
I just wanna do whatever, and be happy.

Did something for the first time today, it was pointless.

I have to finish vacuuming, before mom comes back.
I can't explain this feeling right now,
this one's new.

It's kind of like,
-sad?
-confused.
-anxious.
-nervous.
-tired.
-loweredselfesteemish.

all in one.
and i don't like it.

ohh well, back to work.

Honor Roll.

certificate in homeroom this morning.
allerrrgieeess!
ugh;
Gabby was extraa nice this morning.
i need some Vaseline.
im gonna be real hungry today.
i didn't eat breakfast, and i don't eat lunch.
i need to buy that stuff online,
for the trip. can't wait to go.
me & rhea are better now...
i just whanna be free, i guess.
i want red hair with curls.
i hate being on my [.]
and i hate the spring.