so what's to explain this "current happiness" of mine?
him... basically.
& i don't like that little factor.
yesterday you were saying some things that I don't really wanna take "into consideration". But if you're telling the truth i want that proven.
based on past experiences, i see almost ALL guys the same.
you can't change them, & they really won't change for you.
they aren't about anything serious at this time & age,
& aren't sure about what they really want.
yesterday you also displayed some little "hints", that made it seem like you really want me as yours,
& that you want us to be closer, or so to speak.
my time with you was amazing, these past two days.
i liked our "intimacy" (not meaning sex),
just the feelin' of us cuddlin' & being close.
as a conclusion, a part of me wants to give you a chance, and see if this will really turn out to be something,
and that same part wants you to be mine, and just mine.
9.17.2008
Attention on deck.
ohkay so, let's just say today started out a little rocky.
i was rushing this morning, left my coffee, and didn't get my hair the way i wanted it.
muchless, i had to wear my njrotc uniform. =/
i felt odd wearing that uniform, looking like a "police officer" and what not (thanks victor -first period.) but chea, i couldn't wait to get home & change clothes into something thats actually comfortable.
um, other than that, my day wasn't too too bad. unnecessary drama with a few girls, but that's it.
as of today, i don't really associate with females. except for my select few.
after school was good. =)
can't really go into further detail.
let's just say you're considerable. i'll talk to you about that later.
parentals are being cool. shock.
tomorrow, im still debating on whether or not i should go to that lil academic team thingy.
idk. depends on how i feel, i guess?
oh&mom's signing me up for DeltaGEMS! =) yay!
i was rushing this morning, left my coffee, and didn't get my hair the way i wanted it.
muchless, i had to wear my njrotc uniform. =/
i felt odd wearing that uniform, looking like a "police officer" and what not (thanks victor -first period.) but chea, i couldn't wait to get home & change clothes into something thats actually comfortable.
um, other than that, my day wasn't too too bad. unnecessary drama with a few girls, but that's it.
as of today, i don't really associate with females. except for my select few.
after school was good. =)
can't really go into further detail.
let's just say you're considerable. i'll talk to you about that later.
parentals are being cool. shock.
tomorrow, im still debating on whether or not i should go to that lil academic team thingy.
idk. depends on how i feel, i guess?
oh&mom's signing me up for DeltaGEMS! =) yay!
9.15.2008
lions & tigers & bears.
"im not scared of lions & tigers & bears, but im scared of loving you."
"why do we love love? when love seems to hate us?"
uh, felt like writing. i love keeping things anonymous when im writing. that way i can express what i have to say, without anyone knowing exactly who/what im talking about.
im currently listening to jazmine sullivan. explaining my title for this post & myspace profile song. i recently decided to test my instincts by looking at this girl's facebook profile to see if a certain something was on there. & there it was. her statuses. yuck, things about her "boo" & how shit's good because of him. uhhuh. wednesday & the 8th. im lucky that was before all of this. so that makes me feel a lil better.
everytime i hear "sunshine" by lil flip, i think of stephanie & her boyfriend. because that's "their song" or whatever. how cute. lls.
i can't wait til this weekend. cha's bday. hopefully we'll have a lot of fun. then i might hit up the theater both friday & saturday. i need some $$$ mann.
it's true that what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. because i feel pretty damn strong after these past screw ups.
im tired, and i have a lot on my mind, that's not coming out.
-logging off.
9.14.2008
goddamn,
what's goin' on with everyone? this week ive seen two friendships blow up in smoke. Each party cursing the other. in one of my two examples, two girls all of a sudden just came to the agreement that they don't want to be bestfriends anymore. [because of me, btw. and some other random jealousy.] callin' each other bitches & other things of the such, sayin' they don't care if they're each other's bestfriend. & the funny part is that they were just over each other's houses in the same week. [before the incident occured]. in my second example, two good friends totally "tell each other about themselves". while reading their blogspots i was like goddamn!! them comebacks was crazy mann. & now im definitely inferring that they aren't cool anymore.
maybe it's just me. i mean, i can cut people off; but it's not that easy. i'll still occasionally think about them, previous memories, and other bullshit. but who doesn't? some people now a days don't. um, yea.
maybe it's just me. i mean, i can cut people off; but it's not that easy. i'll still occasionally think about them, previous memories, and other bullshit. but who doesn't? some people now a days don't. um, yea.
9.13.2008
another wasted saturday.
*sigh*
another wasted saturday.
in the house.
im hungry.
i can't take a good potential myspace profile picture to save my life.
my hair won't cooperate.
as well as my face.
the sun kissed me too much today.
mom isn't answering the phone,
& she's my way of transportation.
im supposed to be at the step show.
but they left without me.
a part of me is like happy they did,
but then the other part hates the fact that mom thinks im with them,
& i can't go anywhere, so im stuck in the house tonight.
unless she gets back in time to take me somewhere?
i would walk to the nearest entertaining place.
but that'd only be possible if i didn't live in a "neighborhood" full of scary mexicans, perverts and horny older men.
and also if it wasn't near dark outside.
yea, walking alone wouldn't be good.
i just heard a strange noise.
gahh, why isn't mom answering her phone!
i know she's at the concert, but gee, how long could it possibly take if it started at four?
ohman. there's nothing to do.
another wasted saturday.
in the house.
im hungry.
i can't take a good potential myspace profile picture to save my life.
my hair won't cooperate.
as well as my face.
the sun kissed me too much today.
mom isn't answering the phone,
& she's my way of transportation.
im supposed to be at the step show.
but they left without me.
a part of me is like happy they did,
but then the other part hates the fact that mom thinks im with them,
& i can't go anywhere, so im stuck in the house tonight.
unless she gets back in time to take me somewhere?
i would walk to the nearest entertaining place.
but that'd only be possible if i didn't live in a "neighborhood" full of scary mexicans, perverts and horny older men.
and also if it wasn't near dark outside.
yea, walking alone wouldn't be good.
i just heard a strange noise.
gahh, why isn't mom answering her phone!
i know she's at the concert, but gee, how long could it possibly take if it started at four?
ohman. there's nothing to do.
9.12.2008
sunshine;
i can call you my baby boy. you can call me your babygirl. maybe we can spend some time. i can be your sunshine.
today consisted of nothin' but school, sleep, mall, chill.
it was good, can't complain.
gotta get up early tomorrow.
community service,
then im gonna go try to see *someone* before i gotta go to the show at 6.
today consisted of nothin' but school, sleep, mall, chill.
it was good, can't complain.
gotta get up early tomorrow.
community service,
then im gonna go try to see *someone* before i gotta go to the show at 6.
9.10.2008
Dear my wanna be father,
I have other un-posted blogs written, from school. They just aren't on here yet. Too lazy to type them up.
I must say the following, to relieve some of the irritation from myself:
Dear my wanna be father,
you do too much! & you try too hard to do the things that you THINK a parent, or excuse me, a father should do. you're always nagging about how you aren't getting respected, acknowledged, and all that. are you hearing yourself? you really tried to say that you raised me. Negro please, with the help of my mother & other significant adults in my life, I RAISED MYSELF. Its so imaginable how a father is supposed to teach his daughter about guys, people, life lessons, etc. You didn't do any of that. You just think that since i know right from wrong, theres no need for you to accomplish that part of parent hood & "raising me". & your shared earnings are just like child support to me. You give it to me because you feel you have to. Man, whatever. I don't want your cash. I just need me a dam* job. You act JUST LIKE my aunt. No wonder you both are cancers. yall share the same characteristics. you also hate that I have a life & you don't. am i right? yess. i would write more, but i got other sh*t to do.
Sincerely,
your disrespectful, spoiled, misbehaved child.
I must say the following, to relieve some of the irritation from myself:
Dear my wanna be father,
you do too much! & you try too hard to do the things that you THINK a parent, or excuse me, a father should do. you're always nagging about how you aren't getting respected, acknowledged, and all that. are you hearing yourself? you really tried to say that you raised me. Negro please, with the help of my mother & other significant adults in my life, I RAISED MYSELF. Its so imaginable how a father is supposed to teach his daughter about guys, people, life lessons, etc. You didn't do any of that. You just think that since i know right from wrong, theres no need for you to accomplish that part of parent hood & "raising me". & your shared earnings are just like child support to me. You give it to me because you feel you have to. Man, whatever. I don't want your cash. I just need me a dam* job. You act JUST LIKE my aunt. No wonder you both are cancers. yall share the same characteristics. you also hate that I have a life & you don't. am i right? yess. i would write more, but i got other sh*t to do.
Sincerely,
your disrespectful, spoiled, misbehaved child.
9.07.2008
current realization.
ive come to the realization that i CAN live without the people i thought i couldn't.
as of yesterday, i let someone go, who USED to be of some importance to me.
but now,
him & his little games are gone.
out of my life.
im not the dramatic little girl i used to be.
crying over guys, if things didn't go as planned,
or if we stopped talking,
swimming in sadness everytime i hear a love song, or a song that reminds me of him.
nah, ive grown from that.
im as happy as ever.
the sun's shining much brighter.
& there are plenty of other guys waiting for their chance to be with me.
i don't really miss him,
because he didn't treat me how i deserved to be treated.
he still loves his ex anyway.
& ive moved on,
i think my next will be something?
lol.
as of yesterday, i let someone go, who USED to be of some importance to me.
but now,
him & his little games are gone.
out of my life.
im not the dramatic little girl i used to be.
crying over guys, if things didn't go as planned,
or if we stopped talking,
swimming in sadness everytime i hear a love song, or a song that reminds me of him.
nah, ive grown from that.
im as happy as ever.
the sun's shining much brighter.
& there are plenty of other guys waiting for their chance to be with me.
i don't really miss him,
because he didn't treat me how i deserved to be treated.
he still loves his ex anyway.
& ive moved on,
i think my next will be something?
lol.
9.04.2008
feel this way.
"i wish you could read my mind,
wish you could take some time,
to listen to me, i wish you'd believe,
& then you would see that I,
I don't know what I ever did to you,
I don't know what I ever did to you.
To make you feel this way, to make you feel this way."
wish you could take some time,
to listen to me, i wish you'd believe,
& then you would see that I,
I don't know what I ever did to you,
I don't know what I ever did to you.
To make you feel this way, to make you feel this way."
i wish you could read my mind.
as for my current thoughts & emotions..
it's funny how when I hold back tears due to frustration,
I get this lump inside my chest.
Well, it's gone now.
Im just at the peak of bursting out a facial waterfall.
I'm currently thinking about:
how Nate's phone is retarded cuz that nigga takes forever to text back,
whether or not I should go to the NP game tomorrow,
how no one goes to Edmonson (Friendly's opponent tomorrow),
my hair & how im gonna wear it in the morning,
my bladder & sudden crave of fluids,
how tired I am,
why the hell my phone's so scratched up,
where the cover for it is,
my uniform choice for tomorrow,
my increasing body temperature,
how that nigga don't give a fu*k.
maalik's little sorry ass apology, lol.
how everyone's suddenly making a blogspot,
why i even care about any of this.
There goes that need for a mental cleanout.
or maybe just sleep.
it's funny how when I hold back tears due to frustration,
I get this lump inside my chest.
Well, it's gone now.
Im just at the peak of bursting out a facial waterfall.
I'm currently thinking about:
how Nate's phone is retarded cuz that nigga takes forever to text back,
whether or not I should go to the NP game tomorrow,
how no one goes to Edmonson (Friendly's opponent tomorrow),
my hair & how im gonna wear it in the morning,
my bladder & sudden crave of fluids,
how tired I am,
why the hell my phone's so scratched up,
where the cover for it is,
my uniform choice for tomorrow,
my increasing body temperature,
how that nigga don't give a fu*k.
maalik's little sorry ass apology, lol.
how everyone's suddenly making a blogspot,
why i even care about any of this.
There goes that need for a mental cleanout.
or maybe just sleep.
Honey, you so sweet.
Just finished my paper.
my highest priority since i've been home.
(thinking)
should i write about my day?
or something else?
hm,
i'll [briefly] tell you about mi dia.
(spanish for: my day)
um, basics.
escuela. (school)
math was really fun.
O'ryan didn't even sit in his right seat.
Job search was interesting.
Renia started conversating out of nowhere.
my newfound cousin. lls.
Spanish! SUBSTITUTE! Yesss.
That annoying Ms. Barbella wasn't there.
Our sub was so careless.
"I love eggs." lol. -in- joke.
I was "Balloons" for today.
Steph was "Eggos".
Lunch was crowded. lol. more than usual.
probably because the lunch line took forever.
Fourth, ugh. We had to go outside.
I looked real tomboyish in my gym uniform;
which consisted of a white shirt & black shorts.
my shoes got dirty too. =/
the only positive thing about it was that I got to conversate with Nate.
that nigga. lol.
then on the other hand, I was annoyed by derrick. hah.
I bombed them stretches tho!
football seems fun, but not in 90 degree weather.
i looked like a complete sweaty mess.
Then some random kid tried to go smack,
callin' me his boo, askin' where I lived,
& im all like, hold on stranger..
i don't freakin' know you dude.
got home, took a shower.
Bookbag finally came!
homework til now.
& a lil myspace & FB.
pretty much it.
my highest priority since i've been home.
(thinking)
should i write about my day?
or something else?
hm,
i'll [briefly] tell you about mi dia.
(spanish for: my day)
um, basics.
escuela. (school)
math was really fun.
O'ryan didn't even sit in his right seat.
Job search was interesting.
Renia started conversating out of nowhere.
my newfound cousin. lls.
Spanish! SUBSTITUTE! Yesss.
That annoying Ms. Barbella wasn't there.
Our sub was so careless.
"I love eggs." lol. -in- joke.
I was "Balloons" for today.
Steph was "Eggos".
Lunch was crowded. lol. more than usual.
probably because the lunch line took forever.
Fourth, ugh. We had to go outside.
I looked real tomboyish in my gym uniform;
which consisted of a white shirt & black shorts.
my shoes got dirty too. =/
the only positive thing about it was that I got to conversate with Nate.
that nigga. lol.
then on the other hand, I was annoyed by derrick. hah.
I bombed them stretches tho!
football seems fun, but not in 90 degree weather.
i looked like a complete sweaty mess.
Then some random kid tried to go smack,
callin' me his boo, askin' where I lived,
& im all like, hold on stranger..
i don't freakin' know you dude.
got home, took a shower.
Bookbag finally came!
homework til now.
& a lil myspace & FB.
pretty much it.
9.03.2008
Major Venting.
This was on my mind this morning. I just figured I'd let it all out.
You most likely won't see this anyway..
Ohkay so, what's going on?
I don't understand you sometimes.
You had me "out" of your life at one point like intended,
couldn't stand not havin' me in your life,
so you decided you wanted me back in it.
& it's like, im just there..
We've been talking since June, & already meet certain characteristics of a "couple".
But the thing is, we aren't a couple.
What the hell. I feel like I'm missing something.
Like theres something you aren't tellin' me.
Be honest with me! Shit..
How can you love someone, when it seems like you don't wanna be with them?;
because you keep putting off a "relationship".
I'm not asking much from you when it comes to that,
& im not begging you for all your attention.
I hate havin' to express my feelin' for you,
and havin' to keep puttin' myself out there
when it comes to my love for you & everything,
because it doesn't feel mutual.
I'm not asking for reassurement,
its just, if you love me show it.
Don't give me some sloppy ass,
12:30 a.m. text message sayin, "Nite. love ya."
when you had oportunities to talk to me,
or at least let me hear your voice.
I mean, she probably hears it everyday.
Lucky her..
She'll talk to you in the morning,
I won't.
Let me just stop gettin' my hopes up,
thinkin' that this is truely something that i've dreamed of,
because i can't deal with any more disappointments.
You most likely won't see this anyway..
Ohkay so, what's going on?
I don't understand you sometimes.
You had me "out" of your life at one point like intended,
couldn't stand not havin' me in your life,
so you decided you wanted me back in it.
& it's like, im just there..
We've been talking since June, & already meet certain characteristics of a "couple".
But the thing is, we aren't a couple.
What the hell. I feel like I'm missing something.
Like theres something you aren't tellin' me.
Be honest with me! Shit..
How can you love someone, when it seems like you don't wanna be with them?;
because you keep putting off a "relationship".
I'm not asking much from you when it comes to that,
& im not begging you for all your attention.
I hate havin' to express my feelin' for you,
and havin' to keep puttin' myself out there
when it comes to my love for you & everything,
because it doesn't feel mutual.
I'm not asking for reassurement,
its just, if you love me show it.
Don't give me some sloppy ass,
12:30 a.m. text message sayin, "Nite. love ya."
when you had oportunities to talk to me,
or at least let me hear your voice.
I mean, she probably hears it everyday.
Lucky her..
She'll talk to you in the morning,
I won't.
Let me just stop gettin' my hopes up,
thinkin' that this is truely something that i've dreamed of,
because i can't deal with any more disappointments.
this is becoming a routine.
everyday i come home, kick off my shoes, grab somethin' to eat, & blog about my day or whatever.
today was funny.
i laughed a lot. (good thing)
O'ryan said he's gonna buy me lunch tomorrow.
-prolly the nicest thing a guy has yet to do at friendly.
compliments are ohkay here and there but, yea..
ugh, Hall sweep. =/ fourth period.
before i start my homework, im gonna blog a lil bit about different things, i'll have time to squeeze this in because i probably won't be talkin' to anyone of greater significance tonight, because *cough* some people like to play games.
everyday i come home, kick off my shoes, grab somethin' to eat, & blog about my day or whatever.
today was funny.
i laughed a lot. (good thing)
O'ryan said he's gonna buy me lunch tomorrow.
-prolly the nicest thing a guy has yet to do at friendly.
compliments are ohkay here and there but, yea..
ugh, Hall sweep. =/ fourth period.
before i start my homework, im gonna blog a lil bit about different things, i'll have time to squeeze this in because i probably won't be talkin' to anyone of greater significance tonight, because *cough* some people like to play games.
early thoughts. 6:52 a.m.
before i go to the busstop, i thought i'd blog a lil bit.
um, let's see, stuff goin' through my mind this morning, um..
well, i gotta carry 3 binders & one book to school. (no bookbag), freakin' online shopping! lol. it's not heavy tho, a bookbag would just be rather essential right about now.
i hate it when i can't tell if people are being sarcastic or not. & im still upset about last night.
i'll try to not think about you or any of that stuff, by having my mind on other things.
everyone's having relationship problems.
im not even in a relationship, and i have as many problems as someone who does.
oh well,
positive positive positive..
i really wish ledos delivered mann. =/ lol.
i really can't wait to be out of highschool.
we're all TRYING to act like adults; ...
i just can't stand this surrounding immaturity.
& these dumb guys & their games.
last night i felt a lil legal,
when dad told me to try this new beer he had brought.
it was alright. didn't taste "lemonade flavored" tho.
uhhh! im still thinking about your dumbass.
& this song lyrics that applies.
"sad and it's not fair. how you take advantage of the fact that i...
love you beyond the reason why. & it just ain't right."
maybe if i stop actin' so vulnerable. & toughen up.
or maybe?
um, let's see, stuff goin' through my mind this morning, um..
well, i gotta carry 3 binders & one book to school. (no bookbag), freakin' online shopping! lol. it's not heavy tho, a bookbag would just be rather essential right about now.
i hate it when i can't tell if people are being sarcastic or not. & im still upset about last night.
i'll try to not think about you or any of that stuff, by having my mind on other things.
everyone's having relationship problems.
im not even in a relationship, and i have as many problems as someone who does.
oh well,
positive positive positive..
i really wish ledos delivered mann. =/ lol.
i really can't wait to be out of highschool.
we're all TRYING to act like adults; ...
i just can't stand this surrounding immaturity.
& these dumb guys & their games.
last night i felt a lil legal,
when dad told me to try this new beer he had brought.
it was alright. didn't taste "lemonade flavored" tho.
uhhh! im still thinking about your dumbass.
& this song lyrics that applies.
"sad and it's not fair. how you take advantage of the fact that i...
love you beyond the reason why. & it just ain't right."
maybe if i stop actin' so vulnerable. & toughen up.
or maybe?
9.02.2008
Charae Lenis Taylor.
These past couple of years that i've known you have been the greatest. You're someone I can truly call my bestfriend, -sheet, my cousin; matta fact.. I was just thinkin' (when i sent you that comment tellin' you that ima be at your house for the week my parents are gone) that you & your family have always been there for me. No matter what. On monday your mom was talkin' to mine, and she didn't even hesitate to say i could stay with yall when my mom mentioned that i needed somewhere to go while they were gone. She also said that if i ever needed anything, yall got me. From times when my aunt was pissin' me off, to times when i was just plain hungry (lol) your door was always open for me. Well, literally. lol. I love you so much.
& your family too especially.
& your family too especially.
good day #2.
today was good too. =)
uh, woke up this morning realizing that i forgot to do my gay a** student government homework.
so i did that, grabbed a bagel & was off to school.
went to ms. ferrell's office to see about my schedule.
she changed my classes!! =)
at first she couldn't, but then she did.
i like my new geometry class. lls.
& espanol 3.
lunch was fun too.
glad i don't have C anymore.
gym was fun.
we played this game where we gotta wear flag football flags & then the opposite team has to try & steal our flags.
omg, ___ (i don't know his name) was doin' too much!
& this whack ass nigga was tryin' to spit game downstairs. lls.
(btw, i hate how our whole downstairs by the lockerroom smells like weed.)
Nate was tryna be funny too. lol.
boy in advisory likes me i think. & some others that i realized today.
i hate how sometimes i don't get service in some classrooms.
& my battery goes low fast.
home now.
gonna look at my agenda & find something to do.
uh, woke up this morning realizing that i forgot to do my gay a** student government homework.
so i did that, grabbed a bagel & was off to school.
went to ms. ferrell's office to see about my schedule.
she changed my classes!! =)
at first she couldn't, but then she did.
i like my new geometry class. lls.
& espanol 3.
lunch was fun too.
glad i don't have C anymore.
gym was fun.
we played this game where we gotta wear flag football flags & then the opposite team has to try & steal our flags.
omg, ___ (i don't know his name) was doin' too much!
& this whack ass nigga was tryin' to spit game downstairs. lls.
(btw, i hate how our whole downstairs by the lockerroom smells like weed.)
Nate was tryna be funny too. lol.
boy in advisory likes me i think. & some others that i realized today.
i hate how sometimes i don't get service in some classrooms.
& my battery goes low fast.
home now.
gonna look at my agenda & find something to do.
not gonna turn my phone off,
with hopes that a certain somebody calls me later.
*cough*
8.30.2008
ra-ra-re kick em in the knee.
lil history behind my choice of a title for this post:
old school cheerleaders used to say that in their lil cheer,
" ra-ra-re kick em in the knee,
ra-ra-rass kick em in the.. *clap, clap, clap* "
or somethin' like that.
i chose that because i just thought about how i have no school spirit.
my school isn't one of my own choice or liking,
meaning showing up at football games will probably be occasional.
i see those people 5 days a week,
why see em again?
idk.
thats negative, i know.
im sorry.
it's just like, im ready to be DONE with highschool.
i'll start college early.
old school cheerleaders used to say that in their lil cheer,
" ra-ra-re kick em in the knee,
ra-ra-rass kick em in the.. *clap, clap, clap* "
or somethin' like that.
i chose that because i just thought about how i have no school spirit.
my school isn't one of my own choice or liking,
meaning showing up at football games will probably be occasional.
i see those people 5 days a week,
why see em again?
idk.
thats negative, i know.
im sorry.
it's just like, im ready to be DONE with highschool.
i'll start college early.
obstacle course.
There are soo many distractions out here man.
& everyday, it seems like my life is one big obstacle course.
& my future's the end.
my goal's and dreams are at the finish line.
well... im at the highschool part of the obstacle course.
the toughest part, i think.
that's where the distractions come in.
& there isn't any such thing as a stable, good, honest relationship in high school.
(in my opinion)
like, college is different.
by then, i'll know what i want, & i'll be working hard to get there.
i'll have ONE boyfriend, that i'll most likely be in love with.
& no one else will matter.
it'll make sense then.
but now? with all these birds flockin'?
nuuh. no good.
ima just dodge em.
& other things, like people.
dodgin' them too.
i thought just focusing on the one guy that i love right now
would be enough to help me by pass these birds.
but he doesn't get it.
*scratches head*
& friends?? i wanna see who's gonna last.
by college, i mean.
& maalik talkin' bout ima stop callin' him once school starts.
& i told him it'll be vice versa.
i was right.
he's slippin'.
I got six minutes left on this computer til my session ends.
meaning I got six minutes to vent some more.
I'm not gonna say anything negative.
Time is just moving really slowly.
that's how i feel.
& everyday, it seems like my life is one big obstacle course.
& my future's the end.
my goal's and dreams are at the finish line.
well... im at the highschool part of the obstacle course.
the toughest part, i think.
that's where the distractions come in.
& there isn't any such thing as a stable, good, honest relationship in high school.
(in my opinion)
like, college is different.
by then, i'll know what i want, & i'll be working hard to get there.
i'll have ONE boyfriend, that i'll most likely be in love with.
& no one else will matter.
it'll make sense then.
but now? with all these birds flockin'?
nuuh. no good.
ima just dodge em.
& other things, like people.
dodgin' them too.
i thought just focusing on the one guy that i love right now
would be enough to help me by pass these birds.
but he doesn't get it.
*scratches head*
& friends?? i wanna see who's gonna last.
by college, i mean.
& maalik talkin' bout ima stop callin' him once school starts.
& i told him it'll be vice versa.
i was right.
he's slippin'.
I got six minutes left on this computer til my session ends.
meaning I got six minutes to vent some more.
I'm not gonna say anything negative.
Time is just moving really slowly.
that's how i feel.
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