Marry me?

say yes , pleasee .

craze . . .

i immediately start smiling
when i look at the face
to the right
of this blog .


i love him ,
dearlyyyy .

*my pumpkin* (:

checklisttt .

okay so ,
i've decided that today is going to be dedicated to
my acomplishing all that needs to be accomplished .

for there's nothing like the feeling of having weight lifted from ur shoulders . .

when i procrastinate , i tend to constantly think about what needs to be done .

today i'm going to keep busy in terms of
school .

facebook :
is nothing more than an addictive waste of my time
& i need to draw away from it . . .

i'm officially missing u .

& i wish that u were calling right now . . so that i could get thru to u somehow . .

outta the window

It amazes me . . .
It's like everything she said -- all of her solutions & initial reactions --
flew right out of the window .

I mean , how long could one dwell on one particular thing ?
How long could one allow that *one thing* to drive them into further hurt & melancholy ?

I know I hurt u & I'm sorry . .

. . as of right now it seems
as if ur finally getting the point .

I'm glad .
& now I can brush the dirt off of my shoulders & move on with life .

& so can u .

surreal reality .

I'm tired . . But I can't seem to fall asleep until after my thoughts collect & until after my mind is cleared .
Today was something like a refreshment ,
It felt good to get away from the stuffy awkwardness that surrounded me yesterday & the day before .
It was starting to become toxic . .
I love my boyfriend , dearly . . But I hate how time always flies when we're together .

It's funny how everything is supposed to happen for a reason .
A *specific* reason .

I'm still contemplating the reasons behind monday's events .

I'm so happy he didn't give into the comments that were made .
It goes to show where he stands in this relationship , -despite his thoughts of throwing in the towel .

& unexpectedly , both of my parents reacted somehow different than I had previously expected .
I guess this is helping me get to know them a little better . .

This was both strikes 1 and 3 .
Darren & I both can't afford for anything else to happen .

I'm trying to stay positive , & with that , I'm also trying to see things through an optimistic view .

I have no clue why I live for tomorrow when tomorrow's not even promised .
This could be a reason why I stress .

I'm just trying to move forward . .

But it seems as if I have my head in tomorrow & my feet still stuck standing in today.
I've learned to keep my head forward & my eyes off of yesterday .




I'm slowly falling asleep . . .

ten:thirty on the clock . . haven't received a phone call since six . . oh well . . .

the mind is one powerful son of a gun .
i'm trying to mentally force myself into believing that this irritating pain is caused by something as [simple] as either of those two .
maybe i'm just wishfully thinking . .

i don't know anymore . .
they don't either . . yet . .

i'm tired of waiting .

insomnia , part 3

It's funny how things never makes sense when ur surrounded by chaos ,
But when the world around u is resting -- soundly , still, calmly --
Ur mind can think freely . . .

I'm trying to force myself into believing that there is a reason for everything .
& that each situation endured holds an underlying lesson .

My life lessons are multiplying as the years go on . .

One of my lessons is here with me at this very moment .
- the reason why I can't sleep or even at like my normal self 100% of the day .

My problems are always written across my face .
Especially when they're towards the front of my mind .
Until I reach that point where I forget about it for a second & try to continue on in life.

It is now nearly 5:00 a.m.
I tried texting him but I received no response .
& why would I ?
Especially when one of us is actually able to sleep .

It draws me to compare & contrast our genders .
When referring to health , women take on a much heavier load then men .
Whenever I'm researching , I always find the same thing .
"This disease is more common in women . Men may have no symptoms ."
My feminism level increases . . .