blurp.

home. "in her shoes" famous daves. costco. giant. home again.

today didn't involve much, but nonetheless, my weekend was still good :)

ahh, my life, & all that it entails.
I need more things to keep me busy.
School must not be enough, especially since it's the closing of the schoolyear.

It's hot as ever in this house, & fans only seem to blow the hot air around.
I cannot manage to stay in here during the summer.
I'd rather freeze.

I want to go shopping. Chanelle & I are supposed to go. Idk when.

I can never tell when I should take a guy seriously, so until I figure it out, I won't.

I don't know what else to write..

My Epiphany // my wants&desires ,.

Today is so beautiful. The trees outside, blocking out the extreme heat, make everything even better. i felt happiness today. -a feeling I'd long forgotten. It's about time the sun truly shined. Life's definitely too short. You never know which moment will be your last. Why not spend it with people that make you smile? Why not spend it laughing hysterically, and smiling uncontrollably? That's what I wanna do. These things keeping me down are just a waste of time. Negativity's pointless. It's about time that I do things I've never done before. It's about time that I get over my fears. It's about time that I've realized all of this. Things don't make sense until you fully contemplate them. I wanna meet all kinds of people. I wanna be me. I wanna see the world, and take each experience as it comes,. I wanna stop dwelling on the past & look forward to a brighter future. I wanna show each person that I love & care about, my love & care. I wanna pour out my feelings, and have you reply a beautiful response. I wanna have the energy to be crazy & outgoing. I wanna take risks. I want confidence to take me far. I want to live up to my dreams. I want to discover them. I wanna come in touch with my Afrocentric side ( hence the curly bush I'm currently rocking :] ) Natural beauty is the most beautiful, in my eyes. I want to spend a day at the zoo with the elephants. I want to expand my elephant collection. I wanna be free :)

Sanity.

Changing perspectives from this day forward.
It's been decided by myself that I do, in fact, need God back in my life.
I knew something was missing,
causing me to feel this way,
(something empty needed to be filled
but no mortal seemed appropriate.)

Instead of looking for love from guys,
& instead of expecting the ones I love to love me back just the same,
I need to learn to love myself.

This week has been rather challenging.
-just a little-
between Monday night & Wednesday night.
my best friend's being shipped off to Texas,
simply because her parents no longer trust her.
I also got to see the uglier side of psychotic behavior and anger,
that being MY Monday night.

Today I felt the presence of my long lost joy,
in continuance from last night.
I guess I can say that only one person ruined a piece of my day.
*he knows who he is*
It was my fault for caring,
and my fault for letting him disturb my sanity & happiness.
I honestly don't think he's worth it anymore.
The more I try to disconnect, the harder it gets.
I got a pedicure around six,.
I just hope the paint isn't cheap =/
Took my shower a few minutes ago, so that I don't have to get up as early
tomorrow morning .

I'm going to Chicago in August.
Something's telling me it's going to be worth it.

It's 53 after nine,
I'm tired.
Goodnight.

therapy.

It's been a good minute since i've
synced pieces of my thoughts onto this blog.
mentally, i've been gone; away,
trying to figure out who i am,
the difference between
the significant & insignificant,
& how much they mean to me.
i've been spending time
categorizing this life of mine.
School itself is two categories.
-my life consumer. my focus.
all to maintain "excellent" grades,.
I feel as though I'm missing out on my adolescent era.
It's floating by, right before my eyes.
where shall I go from here?

I've been kept from the light,
positivity, happiness, and self worth.
to the point where I was in the midst of
questioning my life, my purpose, my being.
What's the point?
Where's the beauty life promises?
Why am I even here?

He said I need therapy.
He said I need to talk to someone.

my father's somewhat mentally ill,
according to mother.
In separate corners we'll stay,
for two more years.
yesterdays argument justified that.