chrysalis .

it seems as if i always write before i fall asleep.
in that way, i'll be able to sleep peacefully . . as opposed to being tormented by my thoughts.

sometimes . . i feel as if it's the only way.
instead of sharing things with people who probably don't give a damn,
i write them -- or in this case, i type them .

lately, i've been trying to maintain stabilty, in order to keep my life balanced.
at one point, i felt as if things were going downhill , & now things are okay, i guess.

i'm not one to welcome change with open arms . .
especially after being accustomed to whatever it is that i've gotten used to .

i'm going to try & work on making things easier for those around me -- those close to me.
& then last but not least,
i'll try & make things easier on myself .

i'm a mystery , i swear .
sometimes i don't even understand myself .

my mother basically implies that my father thinks i'm some kind of a hoe , simply because i choose to have sexual relations with *none other than ONE person*.
he thinks this person's mom thinks the same ; along with multiple others.

that man is clueless -- entirely.

it may be disrespectful to say , but i sort of wish he would go back to being the "sideline parent" , instead of trying so hard to be what he thinks a father should be .

i feel so boxed in this one area.
-as i've said before.
it's like i never leave.
i can't find ANY diversity.

i need a break.

& selfishly , i've tried to keep someone else from getting theres. . .
i've changed my mind .

i'm stuck inside my chrysalis . . .
molding & becoming . . .