lately,

i've been trying to "find myself".
& in the midst of searching i've realized that
in order to find myself
I have to have an idea of what to search for.

lately,
I've been acting weird towards one of my friends
mainly because i feel somewhat distant from her.
it seems like she's always caught in her own problems;
which is why i don't bother her with mine.
i'm tired of listening,
i want someone else to do the listening for a change.
that isn't the case..
i also feel like she secretly judges me
each & everytime i speak on a certain subject.
she sometimes acts like she doesn't want to hear anything
that i have to say.
in result, i get frustrated with her.

lately,
i've been liking one specific person more and more each day.
the feelings are mutual, but at the same time,
that person already has a significant other.
this sticky situation is all too familiar.
seems like i always get stuck in it.

Kendra's poem.

Love is an emotion.

: an emotion that people seem to become fascinated with
because of images produced and broad casted.
It has just as much affect on somebody as hate.
Love is the emotion that causes happiness at the cost of weakness and "gullibleness".
In some cases the outcome is positive,
in some .. negative.
So who is the judge of whether my emotion of love is true?
Can you measure my heart and it's feelings?
No,
because not even I am competent enough to do that.
So when I say i love you it's nothing more than a weak emotion.

Does love make you feel as though there is no greater emotion?

Perhaps the simplicity of the question is what makes it so difficult.
Sometimes a person's inability to understand the simple things is what causes tension.
Love has many reasons , or in simple form ,
love is an emotion with many emotions built inside.

If it was an emotion that could be easily understood then wouldn't everybody experience the emotion of love?


-Kendra Lorrae Mosley <3

at the end of the day, nothing even matters.

mood music: you.mp3 - raheem devaughn

today seemed like a really long day. like always, my headache is killing me. i had to get up at eight this morning. & in my opinion, that's way too early to be waking up -on a saturday. considering the fact that i wake up everyday [Monday through Friday] at fivefortyfive. the community event was today. i was there from nine to three thirty. it went rather well. my best friend Chris showed up -only because he had a class up there that he ended up NOT going to. we went to the movies after, with my other best friend and her little brother. we saw "i can do bad all by myself." -a 'round of applause to Tyler Perry. *Erika V. gives it two thumbs up. Chanelle ended up crying during different parts of the move. I can admit that i was on the verge of crying, but i didn't -surprisingly. we ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday & had a better waiter this time. after leaving Ruby Tuesday, we saw a good number of friendly high students. *makes disgusted face* i also saw an OLD friend. she didn't speak & neither did I. Three people today asked if my best friend & I were boyfriend & girlfriend [the HIV testing guy, the host at ruby tuesday, and his friend Brianna.] by the way, I got tested today for HIV, my results came out NEGATIVE , of course, :)

i'm really tired now,
now plans for tomorrow.
i might chill with Chris -like last sunday, idk.
i can't depend on him,.

metropolis ,

a *ton of work ,
that weighs about two *pounds ,
-it's really not as much as it seems .

i'm extremely exhausted,
& it's only three o'clock.
-i think it's time for a nap.

my "bestfriend" isn't much of a bestfriend,
from now on, i'll call him
-friend. *(without the best)*

it's funny how
i thought i was ready for a relationship.
-but i'm still choosing between people.

tomorrow,
we're going to the movies.
-i wish i didn't do the same thing every weekend.

i'm beginning to wonder
why my *closest friends
-seem so *distant ,.

i want to go to a place
where no one would judge me
-so i can *stop hiding this secret :/

maybe it's a phase,
or maybe not.
-i wish i knew the answer.

i really hate it when people say, "what's good?" ,.

i just knew,
that from the moment I woke up,
*something*
- one thing, or another --
would cause me to blog about today.

my day started at five forty five, when I hit the snooze option [twice] on my mobile alarm clock.
if you wanna be technical, it started at five fifty five, when I chose to wake up completely.
i started reading the first chapter of my ApLang books ( a homework assignment given thursday ). * and as you can see , i tend to procrastinate :)
i figured that i might-as-well get dressed & what not because I didn't want to be rushing by the time my bestfriend arrived to take me to school.
he showed up around seven ten, & as I got into the car I had to keep in mind that he isn't a morning person.
we had to pick up his friend -who took forever coming out of the house.
his friend let me sit up front & then gave me the typical "What's good?" greeting.
when we got to school it was drizzling a bit so I had to manage carrying four books while holding my umbrella over my head.
it was rather disappointing that i had to ASK my bestfriend to carry two of the four books i had with me.
& then when we got into the school, he handed me my books and then continued on with his conversation.
i'm thinkin, "his rude a** isn't gonna walk me to class?"
& he didn't.
first period consisted of a religion-based lesson, & second period irritated me.
before i explain the two factors that led to my irritation, i have to add that we FINALLY got our lockers. my locker isn't as close to chanelle's as i preferred, but at least i have one -finally.
i have second period [every stinkin' day] with a girl that shares my name, but with a different spelling.
she's ALSO smart. -very smart , i guess. Our teacher kept her freewrite paper, along with another student & that sort of crushed my confidence as a writer.
our teacher has this policy that the bell DOESN'T dismiss us & i completely forgot that today, after taking a torturing practice exam.
so i walked out , along with a few others , & he had the remaining kids write their name on a sheet of paper while saying that the others would receive a zero for leaving.
WTFFFFF? I wasn't havin' that. I can't take a zero. mann he irritates me.
my college professors don't even do that.
nutrition class was a breeze as usual,
& my first day of sociology went better than I expected -- it was rather fun. & comfortable.

and now,
i'm home ,
back on my couch - about to do some homework & then call it a night.

M.E. ,

you have no clue how much i miss you,

but best of wishes to you

& the one you pursue.

"this world is so dramatic."

i haven't written a poem -or anything of the sort- in a long time.

i've filled most of this blog with "diary entries" ,

& that's exactly what this has become.

my online "diary" , open for others to read , if they choose to do so.

this morning , there was a "spirit train" thing where the band dancers & flag girls do there routines, and the band plays - in the middle of the front of the school.

after that i went to go find *him & we walked around upstairs while his tall self grabbed me in a head lock. -as slightly painful as it sounds, it wasn't. ha.

he basically held on to me , to show everyone that i was [his] boo.

he walked me to my world history class, & then he went to his. we didn't have a test today in world history, *thank God, and instead we had an easy assignment. in AP Lang, we shared our poems, & then did a Freewrite assignment that i unfortunately did not finish.

mom was supposed to pick me up before the lunches started, but today she was late. I didn't mind. in the meantime I was still wondering how my first day at the community college would go. -& it went fine. jamar's class & mine were both in the same building, so we walked together. class was fun. we did an "icebreaker" activity & then we broke into our groups for the semester. i saw adrian right after i walked out of my class. we chatted a bit & then i caught up with Jamar. we pointlessly walked half of the campus before realizing that his class was in the building right next to the one we just left. :)

after i got home, my bestfriend & i had a disagreement & others ended up getting added to the equation. =/ so much drama.

i need more loyal guy friends.