destiny .

i know that it's a new decade . . . a new year . . . a new month . . . & a new day ,
but for some reason I just feel like sitting & revisiting what's behind me ;
the past , all my old memories -good & not so good .

with this in mind , i'm thinking of the past decade .

i'm contrasting with the present .

one thing i remember is very clear in my mind .

last october . . . when i discovered someone new .
it was as if fate brought us together .

he seemed so interested in . . . & so motivated towards in getting to know me & everything that i'm about .

we'd talk on facebook , & then we exchanged numbers ,
started texting , & then the phone calls rolled in.
*every single night* & they'd last until we were too tired to continue talking .

i loved his voice . . . & still do .

i'd read "good morning" each morning , & i'd hear "goodnight" each night . . .

i loved every single minute of it .

aside from the attention given , i became fascinated with the person that i was getting to know .

i looked forward to every text , instant message . . . phone call .
& i'd smile uncontrollably at each one .

i remember the way he used to mock me , the way he'd "unobviously" show that he was trying to make me his . . .
how he wanted to make sure that he succeeded in changing my mind about males in general .

he called me "his new favorite person" . . .
he made me laugh , & smile . . .
it felt like i had a bestfriend .
a real friend .

i remember the second time i saw him ,
it felt like it was the first time .

i had noticed that i was already so comfortable with him , & i had only seen him once before .
i was no where near nervous at "meeting" the person that i had spent so much time talking to weeks before .
the person i initially new nothing about , & had grew to know so much .

. . . & then , on november 10th , during one of our phone conversations , he asked me
to be his girlfriend .
i hesitantly said "sure" , because i was scared that things would change .
there was the possibility that i'd lose my bestfriend , in return for him becoming my boyfriend .
the pressure was put on me ,
but i enjoyed him & knew at the moment that i wanted to be with him .

things changed as i expected ,
for better & for worse . . .

i love my boyfriend dearly ,
but i loved having him as a bestfriend even more . . .

i want him to play both roles , i guess u could say , because he's good at both . . .


"when i'm weak , i draw strength from u . . . & when ur lost , i know how to change ur mood . . . & when i'm down , u breathe life over me . . . even though we're miles apart , we are each others destiny ."

i love u darren michael tillotson .
i hope u read this & remember what was , as i do .